President Obama (aka Stumpy in high school basketball ) doesn’t want to lose any Democratic Senate seats, and he’s not going to say no to ‘any’ request.  Even if that means rubbing some of his mojo off on Illinois State Treasurer Alexi Giannoulias, who is hoping to pick up Obama’s vacated senate position.

"I appreciate his strong sense of advocacy for ordinary Americans," Obama said during a fundraiser. "You can count on him."

Obama said he needs Giannoulias, and that he needs him in Washington too because, "I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but we’ve(he and I) got a lot work to do."

So What’s the Problem with this Match Made in the Heart Land?

Well Giannoulias’s family bank has been seized by federal regulators in regards to questionable loans.  Not a good example for someone that worked as the state treasurer and wants to go to Washington in an environment where financial clean up is the staple of the day. 

Maybe Obama will just have to settle for a speech, dinner and a cold shower.

Spoof inspired by Obama Stumps for Democrat Seeking his old Senate Job

Here’s a nice viral email making the rounds disguised as the ‘Polite Way to Pee’ on a date.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

"What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.  I’ll be right back."

"That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?  I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’"

The teacher fainted..

Once a year, we must all submit to bathing our eye balls.  Those nasty orbs get relatively filthy without regular cleansing.  While it is true that water on your eye balls can infect you with demons who will make you succumb to the practices of the devil, it is also true you have to clean them regularly.

So in case you were feeling reluctant about this years eye ball scrub, we thought we’d share this nice image of David Hasselhoff wearing an 80’s style bikini.   

Enjoy your scrub!

TEHRAN (Reuters) – President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Sunday told Iran’s Prophets Television (IPTV) to start broadcasting Iran’s version of Wonka Vision across Tehran.  Wonka Vision enables viewers to literally enter their television sets. 

This technology is extremely popular among Tehrans clerics and religious leaders who hope to broadcast television shows of a heavenly paradise filled with an infinite set of 72 virgins to go around, such that the masses can then proceed directly to heaven through their wide screen TV’s imported from China.

Many in Tehran have taken to the streets this week to protest that only rich Iranians will be able to afford Wonka Vision, leaving the poor on Earth to fend for themselves after all the rich leaders have gone on to a new realm.

Most G8 leaders have expressed their doubts that Iran really has achieved a working version of Wonka vision.  Press Secretary William Gibbs from the United States stated, “As much as we would love to see our friends in Iran disappear into a television set, we just don’t think they really have this technology.  They’re really just braggarts and blowhards.”

Israel has been remarkably quiet.  Rumors have been flying over the last 24 hours that top scientists in Israel are actually working to funnel Wonka Vision technology to Iran secretly through double agent scientists in Pakistan.  Israel is currently the only country in the world that has both the capability to transmit a person into and out of a television set.  All other countries have only been able to send viewers into their sets, where they remain stuck forever.

I see Oompa Loompas by GoodToGoTees
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Property of the Oompa Loompa Army by stefrosa
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Yes Man may have been one of Jim Carrey’s best movies, but the decision to come back for a second round with ‘No Man’ almost proved fatal for the comedic genius who reportedly toppled off the back of a scooter while wearing a dog suit.  Carrey was filming his first gay bestiality scene as the movie served up one impossible situation after the next in which his character should have said No Man!

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said,"Can’t do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can’t raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We shore can!  Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What’d you fellers ever do with that deadmule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500tickets fer two dollarsapiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?"

Curtis said,"Well, the feller who won got upset.So wegave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They’re overseeing the Bailout Program.

But somebody should sure as hell tell the goats that some day soon or we’re going to run out of trees.

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any….a true story…We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

In other news . . . Bobbing for tea bags to get a news job. 

Who says that journalism is dead?

That’s just stupid