Crazy On You Mix - Orgasmetric System

07 Aug 2008
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first, cool mix. :)

Second, I wanted to talk about the Orgasmetric system. Now, I for one am very glad to see more people embracing the orgasmetric system. For decades in America we have been stuck on the English Orgasm system, with heavy puritan influences.

Even when the free love movement hit America 40 years ago, people still measured their orgasms against the old system.

Well, everyone knows that the numbers are always a lot bigger when you use any variation of the metric system and that goes dOuble for the Orgasmetric system.

Now, of course the standard unit of measure for the the Orgasmetric system is the ‘Ooooooh’, pronounced with an emphasis on the transition from the hard sounding O to the trailing oooooooo.

In the english system, the standard measurement is the Grunt. Because cursing or exclaiming the name of your favorite deity is typically taboo, only grunts are allowed.

So under the Orgasmetric system you will commonly see references to the

miliOoooooh
centiOoooooh
deciOoooooh
Ooooooh
decaOoooooh
hectaOoooooh
kilaOoooooh

Now things don’t get really mythical until you reach for the GigaOoooooh. Like fusion, a teraOoooooh is currently out of the reach of humankind, but many people think that science could make this possible within the next 10 years.

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McCain Caught in Viral Email Campaign Against Obama

31 Jul 2008

John McCain was caught today when researchers at the Peugh (Pronounced PEEE-UUUUW) Research Center for Freedom image At New Low Prices discovered ties between John McCain’s wife Cindy and the viral marketer behind the email below.  Cindy McCain’s well documented lesbian love affair with Pamela Anderson, brought Cindy in close contact with Rick Salomon. 

Rick also just happens to be a very close friend of John McCain’s and through after an intense evening between Cindy and Pamela, while Rick’s cameras were rolling, Rick stepped in on the couple and intervened to turn Cindy back to heterosexual love and cocaine, staples of the Republican Party.

Once Cindy left the folds of Pamela’s sheets and returned to the snorting good graces of Christian Conservative philosophies, she then began to counsel prisoners. She was introduced to Robert Soloway, a notorious spammer awaiting image sentencing, during a group counseling session.  She later went back to counsel Robert every third day for 2 weeks (the maximum allowed by the prison for non-family visitors utilizing the conjugal visit room).

Those visits were ultimately halted when Cindy was found to be carrying a crack pipe with residue consistent with burnt crack.  Ironically, this crack pipe was indeed found during a body cavity search conducted by prison guards.  Yup, you guessed it, they found the crack pipe in Cindy’s purse next to the diet pills!

As the residue was minimal and the body search was deemed inappropriate and excessive, no charges were filed but Cindy was not allowed back into the prison.  Regardless, Cindy had learned her lessons from Robert Soloway very well and it is believe that she put her new education to work in order to become the primary email marketer behind her husbands campaign.

Working with a staff of teenage boys from Russia and the Netherlands, Cindy McCain has been engaged in dozens of viral email attack ads.  Some of those original ads targeted Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee during the primaries.  Her most recent work, which was ultimately discovered by Peugh involves a poignant and compelling case for Americans to consider when they view a number of images just before a calamity.  The final image juxtaposition is the clincher in this campaign.  The viral nature of the images has received numerous awards, despite the fact that the viral email campaign originally launched through Cindy McCain’s deep and well developed Spam Pipes, a proprietary technology that she eventually developed and now sells to other Republican politicians.

That moment just before the pain begins…

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Pizzagra - Dominoes Pizza w/ Viagra

30 Jul 2008
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Just to be clear, although this (’Get an extra Year on your life with shrooms’ http://www.utterz.com/…NTExNzU5MQ ) will give a person more time to make love it won’t necessarily ‘enable’ them to make love for another 5 minutes.

That’s something best left to Viagra.

I’m positive that Domino’s will deliver Viagra on Pizza’s starting in the fourth quarter as they launch their new moto.

"Rock Hard Abs may get you into the Sack, But Domino’s Rock Hard Pizzagra will keep you there!"

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Wanted: More Backup Dancers for Kadafi

30 Jul 2008


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Omar Kadafi is considering kicking off a reality tv show to recruit replacement back up dancers for his world wide tour now that he is off the terrorist list.

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How To Draw a Nude Woman Video Guide

30 Jul 2008

So you have been looking at viral videos, emails, blogs and websites all day and all night long.  You have absorbed all the creativity of thousands of people and you think you are ready to express your own creative side.

Where do you Begin?

Well, first you have to find something that interests you, Something you might be passionate about, something that will keep your attention no matter how low on Riddalin you might be right now.  We recommend you learn How to draw a Nude Woman.

Nude Women have been used for centuries to help men concentrate more.  They are regularly used in advertising and many literary publications such as Playboy, Hustler and Oui.  The nude female form has been designed by nature in fact to keep the attention of males. 

So as you are learning how to be creatively expressive, we recommend you go with the flow and learn how to draw a nude woman.  Its in your blood, its in your genetics, you know you want to do it. So this video will help you get started.  We’ll throw out the caveat that the first step is definitely the hardest.

The National Enquirer Caught During Wet Dream Over Edwards’ Kissing Cousin Routine

27 Jul 2008

The National Enquirer was caught by a Beverly Hills hotel maid in the middle of a wet dream as the tabloid paper had a private dream about Senator John Edwards affair and love child with his former aid Rielle Hunter.

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When awoken and questioned by hotel security, the National Enquirer confessed that the source of the messy dream did not result from revelations that John Edwards had been caught cheating on his cancer fighting spouse, nor that the former VP Candidate had created a love child with his staff and staffer.

The source of the wet dream apparently came from The National Enquirer’s over active imagination and internet porn obsession that sent DNA test samples from Edwards and Hunter to 4 prominent and well respected labs, which all unanimously confirmed that not only had an affair taken place creating a love child between the couple, but that the couple were in fact first cousins already!

Quick Fact: Did you know that 3 out of 4 National Enquirer computers are maxed out on RAM computer memory so that they can keep celebrity internet porn qued up and playing in high definition?

We didn’t know it either, but if we find out its true, it will make a great story.

Tabloid journalists haven’t struck gold like that since FDR married his cousin and died cheating on her while on vacation from WWII.

Redneck Tank Top Reinvents Breasticle Concept

27 Jul 2008
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I came across this image in a blog article featuring red neck jokes.
http://divaoperatingmanual.blogspot.com/…-when.html

It seemed to me that the image could have benefited from a slight reworking with a different image sub title.

This may look like the back of a sports bra at first glance. Look again at the elastic fitting on this ISD (Improvised Support Device).

I just want to say that this is wrong on so many levels that I just can’t list them all, but here’s a go at it.

-Your bra should never have skid mark stains in it
-Your head is not a taint
-This is not the way to avoid a wedgy
-If someone pulls a penis out the whole designed for it, I will scream.
-That’s not pubic hair, it’s a hair do
-One should not mix plumbers butt with belly cleavage and real cleavage all at once
-Fruit of the Loons were not made to support melons
-If your under wear gets a rip in it and your package is getting caught in your jeans, do not give your under wear to your wife to wear. (if you must get some extra use out of them, donate the damn things to charity and write it off on your taxes like Bill Clinton does)
-This is no way to cure acne on your back, that’s just a stupid urban legend stop believing everything you hear and read.
-This is what happened to one girl that pulled her head out of her boy friend’s ass.
-Lose a bet - $20, Being forced to stick it where the Sun Doesn’t Shine, A Price to High to Pay
-Even my dog that chews up underwear thinks this is gross
-Warning! Wearing Mens Underwear as a shirt will void the manufacturers warranty.

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Women Wanted in Connection with Home Depot Scam Against Male Shoppers

27 Jul 2008

Two women are being sought for their actions to against men in Home Depot parking lots in a trail that is leading men across the country from Home Depot to Home Depot in search of these women.  (Investigators are looking for them too.)

Their names are unknown, but the composite image below was put together after numerous victims perused a the Shirley of Hollywood lingerie collection online.  The models below are not the women in question, but they are dressed in a similar fashion and happen to have the same colored hair as the women in question.

WANTED-POSTER

Here is one victims account of his own suffering and his recommendation to others to help them as well.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen
to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to
look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th, 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.

Sure You Can Play Tom Sawyer to Thousands But Can You Play Against the Machine? Rush vs Rock Band

25 Jul 2008

This a great little video featuring the legendary band Rush playing their own song Tom Sawyer on the ever popular Rock Band video game.

They don’t score very well on the game, but they score off the charts in giving it a try and having some serious fun with all of us via the Colbert Report.

I’d also like to see Tony Hawk playing one of his games sometime soon, but I’m sure it won’t take too many people long to turn this from a lot of fun to a bit of a marketing band wagon featuring everyone that has ever done anything all the way to everyone that has done nothing more than take Apidexin to lose some weight and then start showing off their Wii Fit skills

Friends Send Friends Viral Emails if they Want to Go to Heaven or a dingy farm

22 Jul 2008

Here’s a viral email that explains the phenomena that entices friends to send other friends viral email.

Its all God’s Fault!

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In this episode, Kenny overdoses on Brittany Spears’ weight loss pills after mistaking them for Viagra. 

Apparently we have to engage in this email networking of viral jokes if we ever stand a chance of making it into heaven as the following joking parable illustrates.

This  explains why I forward jokes MOST OF THE  TIME.

A  man and his dog were walking along a road The man was enjoying the scenery, when  it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He  remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.  He wondered where the road was leading them After  a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It  looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch  that glowed in the sunlight.
When  he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like  mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He  and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk  to one side.
When  he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This  is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow!  Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
‘Of  course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’
The  man gestured, and the gate began to open.

‘Can  my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m  sorry, sir, but we don’t accept
pets.’

The  man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way  he had been going with his dog.

After  another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road  leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There  was no fence.
As  he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading  a book.

‘Excuse  me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah,  sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How  about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There  should be a bowl by the pump.’
They  went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump  with a bowl beside it.

The  traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some  to the dog.

When  they were full, he and the dog
walked  back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

‘What  do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well,  that’s confusing,’ the traveler said.
‘The man down the road said
that was  Heaven, too.’

‘Oh,  you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’

“Doesn’t  it make you mad for them to use your name like that,the man  said?”

‘No,  we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best  friends behind.’
Soooo
Sometimes,  we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a  word.
Maybe this will explain.
When  you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You  forward jokes.
When  you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When  you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward  jokes.
Also  to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are  still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.
So,  next time if you get a joke, don’t think that you’ve been sent just another  forwarded joke, but that you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the  other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

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