27 Steps for Making a Kick Ass Bong!

Buy some Marijuana and roll a joint and smoke it to remove any lingering anxiety about having to build a bong.
Call your buddy that’s good at building shit and tell him that you are going to build a great bong and that you have a lot of smoke.
When your buddy arrives, roll another joint and smoke it so that your buddy owes you one
Now roll another and start brain smoking and storming what type of great bong you are going to make, what you will make it with, and how much pot it should be able to hold.
Take a break and grab something to eat before you actually begin building.
Now, roll another and head to the garage, your local Home Depot, Pet Store, Wal Mart or Cracker Barrel to find just that right thing for making a Kick Ass Bong.
Smoke the joint before you go, don’t get busted with pot at Cracker Barrel or those crackers might string you up (or steal your dope)
Grab a soda or an energy drink for the trip and get some more munchies before you go too.
Check your TiVo to make sure that you have at least 90 minutes of Sponge Bob recorded, if not look the next episodes up and record it. If you aren’t into Sponge Bob when you are stoned, feel free to substitute this with anything on SciFi, Comedy Central or the religious Network of your choice. While you are looking this stuff up, go ahead and smoke another joint.
Now that your TiVo is set, Call a friend with a ride to take you to Cracker Barrel, KEY POINT - Don’t tell this friend that you are already high. Tell them that you are going to buy them a roast beef dinner at Cracker Barrel or something.
Once they are on their way over, you can pass the time, by lighting up another joint, but smoke it fast and deep before your friend gets there.
If you actually hear your new friend knocking or ringing the door bell, make sure you answer the door and don’t just sit their giggling.
If you don’t successfully answer the door before they leave, call them on their cell phone and explain that you are a little high or that you were in the garage looking for bong building material.
If that doesn’t convince them to turn around tell them that you still have a lot of weed left, and encourage them to come back and loosen up with a fattie before you go for grub.
Once they get back, let them roll a joint as you are probably having a hard time keeping your head up by this point in time.
Pass the time by watching the 700 Club while you smoke this next joint. It will probably be a lot funnier for you and your first buddy, and the fact that you get the joke more than your new friend will make the entire situation even funnier.
At this point in time, you might be getting a little low on buds, so feel free to call out an order for take out pot. (If you don’t live in New York City where this is prevalent, call Michael Bloomberg and inform him that you are interested in establishing a franchise in your area.)
Tip! - Make sure your most sober friend actually places the call as your fried ass probably can’t deal with the only two options on the stoner’s hotline.
After you make the call, roll your last joint and smoke up until your delivery arrives.
When the delivery girl arrives ask her if she can give you a ride to Cracker Barrel, make sure you give her a big tip first!
The four of you get into her new Hyundai Sedan (all dope delivery girls drive Hyundai’s- they have great warranties, get decent gas mileage and they don’t look like drug dealers)
Don’t be tempted to light up during the drive to Cracker Barrel, remember you are in a Hyundai loaded with dope in Chinese food containers. Also, don’t eat the dirty rice either, it’s very expensive and its not rice.
Key Point! - When you finally get to Cracker Barrel, don’t forget to get OUT of THE car.
Its going to take you a long time in Cracker Barrel to find something that will make a good bong. You will need to get in the right frame of mind for this next step, so head around to the back of the building and smoke a joint with the dishwashers behind the gates to the area where they keep the dumpster.
Time for Fun!- Head into the gift shop in Cracker Barrel and feast your blood shot eyes on the funniest crap you have ever seen. Feel free to try every toy, gizmo and wiz bang in the place, spending extra time on the hand puzzles.
Don’t forget to ask the hostess to seat you at a table for 4 or 5 (depends on if you can remember how to count or if you can actually count how many of you actually made it inside of the Cracker Barrel without getting stuck in a rocking chair on the faux concrete porch.
The Kick Ass Tip! The John Deere tractors make the best bongs. John Deere was originally founded by hemp farmers. They used to run a bong built into the early John Deere tractors. The deer in the emblem used to aim downward like they were landing and now they aim up. They aimed down to signify the high deer that would stumble and fall after leaping over a fence in a field full of marijuana. Deer are notorious stoners, talk to one sometime and you will see what I mean.

Posted: Monday, September 17th, 2007 at 8:09 pm under: Viral Story by brettbum.

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One Response to “27 Steps for Making a Kick Ass Bong!”

turqoiseRoy Says:
September 19th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Dude, I’ve tried to follow these steps 2 nights in a row and can’t get past step 16. Pat Robertson is the funniest fucker alive when you are baked.

~The Spirit of Jesus Christ lives in Mary Jane!