Where did they run the testing program for this device

The Response Provided

The Pentagon says that this was initially fielded at the National Association of Evangelicals Headquarters in Wheaton, IL. I just heard on Fox News that Ted Haggard was apparently unaware of the test. His office apparently had a ventilation system connected to the lab where the test was conducted. He now claims that the test may have been the reason why he later became addicted to crystal meth and hired a male prostitute.

Fox also reported (and I trust Fox without question) that the NAE headquarters were this test apparently caused a number of extreme sexual acts to occur in the NAE headquarters in the 1990’s. Church officials were unaware of the cause at the time and this led to the move of the headquarters from Wheaton to Azusa, California around 2000, apparently church officials were apalled by the number of freaks in their midst. I’m not just talking about their perceptions of homosexual sex activities, but of all the sexual activity taking place in their headquarters.

When the bomb test went off, it was apparently like Sodom and Gomora in the headquarters of the NAE for about a week. (Their old headquarters apparently recycled air and so the church members were apparently redosed over and over again in an endless cycle of Evangelical Sex orgies.)

Things were made worse as this happened during vacation bible school week at the headquarters. There were children present and a petting zoo also.

Now Pentagon researchers were very concerned that their Daadt bomb, colloquially referred to as the gay bomb might inspire targeted troops located near population centers to rape children. They were also very concerned about the potential that children might be affected by this bomb or that they might come across unexploded ordinance years later.

The researchers did not want to have another Agent Orange scandal on their hands and so they found a way to do two things:

1. They included a hormonal isotope that would block post pubescent humans from wanting to have sex with prepubescent humans.
2. They also put in a block er that would essentially leave prebuscent children completely unaffected by the drug cocktail and would essentially cause them to drift of into a restful sleep for about 2 days.

So when the NAE got their freak on in Wheaton, the children on the premises for VBS, fell asleep and remained asleep for about 2 days, waking up a little thirsty and hungry but otherwise no worse for the wear.

Unfortunately, the pentagon researchers did not foresee the possibility of a petting zoo. The NAE tore into that petting zoo like there was no tomorrow. Something in the chemicals mixed with the animal pheromones in the air caused an extra peculiar result and the congregation of the NAE descended on those poor animals like a pack of wolves descending on a flock of sheep roasting on a massive barbecue.

There were several reasons why the Wheaton location was chosen. The pentagon needed to test the bomb on a population that was extra religious. There were some people in the pentagon that held the belief that the devout might be immune to a sexual overdrive drug cocktail. Scientists knew back then that this bomb might be used in the middle east and they needed to understand its impact on devout religious conservatives. This was also a practical choice as the bomb was manufactured in part at the Joliet Army Ammunition plant. It was simple logistics to test in Wheaton due to proximity and the large concentration of a purportedly devout population.

There was an additional reason for the location choice that is a little more sinister. One of the Pentagon planners for this test was a Mormon. Some people see a connection to the Wheaton choice and the Massacre of Mormons in Southern Illinois in the early 1800’s. Many members of the NAE are descendants of the settlers that lived in Southern Illinois at that time, and it has been speculated that this test might have been some form of religious revenge and possibly a back handed way of seeking new converts. It was hoped that the evangelicals might even be persuaded to a lifestyle that encouraged multiple wives and that this event might work as a seed to sway the public into accepting bigamy. Again this Pentagon planner could not foresee the impact of the petting zoo and the apparently inexplicable propensity for the church members to get down with the beasts on the premises. In fact in follow up testing, the Pentagon was never able to recreate a beastiality connection with their weapon. They rather liked this result as they thought they might be able to use this to good advantage in the Middle East with propaganda of camel fuckers run rampant. Unfortunately, it just didn’t work that way. It seems that the NAE members had a certain special localize propensity for animals and the drug cocktail, their propensity for animals and the proximity of a petting zoo, made for a perfect storm of sexual deviancy that made the fur fly.