David Copperfield has joined the ranks of a number of high profile celebrities to be fingered in a potential crime.  Copperfield’s Fingerer is a woman that claims she was sexually assaulted by the great illusionist in the Bahamas.  Details of the Caribbean act have not been made public yet, but many people are already questioning whether the assault was real.

Oddly enough recent revelations from the Anna Nicole investigation have provided a possible alibi or at least a character witness for David Copperfield.  Copperfield’s attorney David “snappy pants” Chesnoff snapped his fingers and magically produced a letter from thin air.  The letter is from Anna Nicole Smith and is dated 2 days before her death. 

In the letter, Anna states that she feels that David might be the father of both of her children, and that anyone that might claim in the future to have been assaulted sexually by Copperfield is just experiencing ‘an illusion.’  Upon another snap of the fingers, Copperfield’s attorney produced a DVD with a video of Smith on stage being hypnotized by Copperfield.  She walks clucking like a chicken and then downs a bottle of pills before leaving the stage.  The video shows a date that is the day before Smith passed away.

Reporters were quick to applaud the lawyer’s magic skills and followed up with requests for his famous billing tricks.  Chesnoff is famous for billing people for work that may or may not have been done, but is impossible to prove or disprove.  He is the attorney that the book The Firm was based on.  When asked if Copperfield had magical fingers capable of performing an invisible assault on a woman, Chesnoff lifted his arm, looked at his Rolex, and said, “Look at the time,” and he promptly disappeared with a flash and puff of smoke.

The FBI was quick to drop their investigation into Smith’s death and jump on top of the allegations against Copperfield.  The FBI has a long history of targeting magicians in their investigations ever since Houdini hypnotized Jay Edgar Hoover and made him act like a woman.  Hoover suffered recurring bouts of acting like a woman for many years and decades to come.  Some people even speculate that Hoover’s G-Men may have been responsible for Houdini’s unfortunate death.

A dozen FBI agents stormed the warehouse and took a computer hard drive and a memory chip from a digital camera system, as well as $2 million in cash that was inside a safe, reported CNN affiliate KLAS in Las Vegas, citing a source close to the investigation.  Police look into sexual assault claim against Copperfield

What’s most peculiar about the fact that cash was found inside a safe in a warehouse is that the safe was supposed to contain one of David Copperfield’s assistants.  Copperfield has long maintained a security force to guard his money inside his safe’s as he knows just how easy it is to get in and out of a safe.

In fact, he is rumored to have provided private consultations to Dick Cheney, showing the VP how to magically appear and disappear through his own man sized safe located in the White House.

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