Barack Goes Super Positive on Hillary’s Bedroom Skills

October 13th, 2007 | Author: brettbum

Pundits around the US were buzzing this week when Barack Obama changed tactics and started talking about Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail.

Barack Bucking Conventional Wisdom With Bedroom Talk

Many political insiders from Dick Morris to Snake Eyes have been saying that Obama, despite his campaign fund raising success needs to take Hillary Clinton down a peg or two.

Barack showed an uncanny level of political astuteness despite his relatively youthful age (Obama should turn 35 just before the election according to our sources.) Instead of opening up a can of whoop ass on Hillary, Barack pulled out the trusty political companion of the modern YouTube Age and released an internet sex tape of Hillary spanking Obama and then performing oral sex on Obama.

He then made a number of oblique double entendre references to getting spanked by Hillary during speeches throughout the week. The New York Times captured a quote and reference to Hillary Clinton as he was discussing her vote to allow the Iraq War to take place as such,

“Leading Democrats – including Mistress .. . I mean Senator Clinton – echoed the erroneous line that there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda,” Mr. Obama said.
(Copied by Our Source here at the ViralGrapeVine)

Hillary has long been a celebrated and skillful dominatrix of the highest quality. She was even featured on the cover of Spy magazine in full regalia several years ago.

Rush Limbaugh was quick to jump on this latest political move stating, “This is the best thing to mobilize the Conservative Base that I have ever seen. Plus, its actually pretty hot. Hell, I’d even shut up, if Hillary would come spank me like that and rub my ‘Ditto Head.’

*Rush Limbaugh has been a severe detractor of the Clinton’s for years after he learned that a cigar gift given to him by President Clinton had been used during sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.

rush-limbaugh-smoking-clinton-cigar-gift

Clinton/Obama Sex Tape Manufacture

The entire episode was reminiscent of the Paris Hilton sex tape as it was filmed with night vision gear. This gear gives Hillary a very youthful appearance.

“Her jowls almost entirely disappear!” remarked one stoned college student from the University of Kansas.

The students MILF savvy room mate offered the rebuttal, “Her jowls aren’t disappearing because of the light, but because she has the next best thing to Botox going into her cheeks .. . . . A Obama Mama Injection.”

The Obama Mama Injection has in actuality been under study for several years. Researchers have been studying this phenomena in pirated sex clips of dubious quality and authenticity for close to 15 years. The concept is simple, when a person accepts Obama into their ‘life’ their cheeks tend to fill up with the ‘essence of Obama.’

The Obama Spiritual Connection

Beltway insiders have attempted to spin this 8 ways to Sunday, claiming that its the best thing since sliced bread and the worst thing since the Cuban Cigar shortage occurred shortly after The Lewinsky craze swept across high schools on the East Coast.

People in the now, claim that the ‘Essence of Obama’ is almost a spiritual experience.

One DC Prostitute offered to Debunk they myth and came on the record anonymously stating, “There’s nothing spiritual about the Essence of Obama. He pays an extra $50 and we are ordered to purr for more. He also makes us refer to ourselves in the third person as ‘Obama Mama.’ He would make me say, ‘Come give your Obama Mama a little essence of Obama baby.’ It didn’t make sense, but hey I’m a prostitute. No one ever said that my clients were supposed to make sense. Its just not in the contract.”

Alpha Males that Like to Be Spanked by Alpha Females

Barack is not the first Alpha male that liked to be spanked good and hard like the bad boy that he claims to be. Presidential hopefuls have for years been susceptible to a good spanking. There were several sordid news paper exposes dating back to before the civil war covering the brawling escapades of Abraham Lincoln and the victory parties he would have with the wives of his opponents. Many claim this was the real reason why Mary Todd went a little nuts, she just never got used to spanking his bony ass.

don-knotts-barack-obama-spanking-connection

Since then history has offered up numerous examples from FDR, to Bobbie “Spank Me Marilyn” Kennedy to Ronald “I’m sorry Mommy” Reagan, who apparently learned of the pleasures of spanking from a fellow actor. Coincidentally, this actor, Don Knots is famous for writing a Guide to Alpha Spanking Success, which Barack Obama reportedly (again our trusted source) keeps on a red satin pillow on the floor next to his bed.

Rumors of Barack Lusting After Condi Rice are Inaccurate

Many people had erroneously been interested in potential links between Barack Obama and Condi Rice. It was rumored that Condi was a spanker herself after many political parodies started appearing featuring Condi with a rice and after a rumored affair that Condi had with a Canadian diplomat that was a notorious masochist.

Many people thought this would definitely attract Obama to Condi like a bee to honey, but it turns out Condi’s honey pot was dry. A divorce proceeding of a former Condi boyfriend revealed that Condi didn’t actually like to spank men at all. She apparently was all bark and no bite. Lots of sexy talk and no delivery, lots of intellectual ideas with no sound results . . . the list goes on with her.

Sources for this Article

Our Primary source for this article was Jeffrey Turbane. Jeffrey previously worked as a stunt man on the set of the latest Batman, but was released when a stunt went wrong and a technician died.

Jeffrey lacks vision and cannot hear. He’s also unable to speak or read, but he knows how to copy and paste with a mouse, hence his quotes are usually fairly accurate. He communicates with us through his talking dog named after George Stephanopoulis, a man that really knew how to take a spanking from Hillary Clinton.

Jeffrey Turbane featured in an advertisement when he worked as a model.

Those are his real clothes, he has very big ears, despite their disfunctionality.