Barack Obama filed a restraining order against Hillary Clinton citing threats against his life and his man hood in a US District Court in Chicago.

The venue for filing the restraining order was in question as the candidate is traveling across the country and under the protection of Secret Service, while Hillary Clinton is also under the protection of Secret Service.  Ironically, the precedent to file in US District Court dates back to a previously filed and sealed restraining order against Hillary Clinton in 1999, renewed in 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006 by Bill Clinton, who presumably filed for a restraining order and subsequently renewed restraining orders after Hillary gained information that he was or possibly had an affair.

This time, Obama is not worried for his life over sexual relations, but instead over making a mistake even bigger than Bill Clinton’s Cuban Cigar Affair.  By failing to choose Hillary Clinton for his Vice President, Barack Obama opened the door for John McCain to choose a historical candidate of his own and essentially erase Hillary Clinton from the history books all together.

Hillary laughing very loudly and apparently trying to calm her self down after hyperventilating during a speech where she fielded a question about McCain’s choice of a woman for VP.

Obama produced documents and digital .mp3 files reportedly containing a threat from Hillary Clinton whereby she told Barack Obama that he was “making a big mistake” for not choosing her, and that if McCain picked a woman Vice President that “I’ll have your balls mounted next to Bills acne pocked remains on my Senate office wall!”

In addition to the restraining order, Obama reportedly appears to be wearing a bullet proof vest and has a bulky protrusion in his pants that has set off metal detectors at multiple campaign stops, indicating that he may have found a bullet proof cup as well.

Hillary Clinton has thus far provided no verbal response, and has only been heard cackling very loudly when asked about McCain’s VP choice or Obama’s life expectancy.

Bill Clinton was reported to have boarded a jet for Tahiti, leaving a campaign event without any comment and driving straight to the closest airport.

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