Viral Grape Vine

John McCain was caught today when researchers at the Peugh (Pronounced PEEE-UUUUW) Research Center for Freedom At New Low Prices discovered ties between John McCain’s wife Cindy and the viral marketer behind the email below.  Cindy McCain’s well documented lesbian love affair with Pamela Anderson, brought Cindy in close contact with Rick Salomon. 

Rick also just happens to be a very close friend of John McCain’s and through after an intense evening between Cindy and Pamela, while Rick’s cameras were rolling, Rick stepped in on the couple and intervened to turn Cindy back to heterosexual love and cocaine, staples of the Republican Party.

Once Cindy left the folds of Pamela’s sheets and returned to the snorting good graces of Christian Conservative philosophies, she then began to counsel prisoners. She was introduced to Robert Soloway, a notorious spammer awaiting sentencing, during a group counseling session.  She later went back to counsel Robert every third day for 2 weeks (the maximum allowed by the prison for non-family visitors utilizing the conjugal visit room).

Those visits were ultimately halted when Cindy was found to be carrying a crack pipe with residue consistent with burnt crack.  Ironically, this crack pipe was indeed found during a body cavity search conducted by prison guards.  Yup, you guessed it, they found the crack pipe in Cindy’s purse next to the diet pills!

As the residue was minimal and the body search was deemed inappropriate and excessive, no charges were filed but Cindy was not allowed back into the prison.  Regardless, Cindy had learned her lessons from Robert Soloway very well and it is believe that she put her new education to work in order to become the primary email marketer behind her husbands campaign.

Working with a staff of teenage boys from Russia and the Netherlands, Cindy McCain has been engaged in dozens of viral email attack ads.  Some of those original ads targeted Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee during the primaries.  Her most recent work, which was ultimately discovered by Peugh involves a poignant and compelling case for Americans to consider when they view a number of images just before a calamity.  The final image juxtaposition is the clincher in this campaign.  The viral nature of the images has received numerous awards, despite the fact that the viral email campaign originally launched through Cindy McCain’s deep and well developed Spam Pipes, a proprietary technology that she eventually developed and now sells to other Republican politicians.

That moment just before the pain begins…

The National Enquirer was caught by a Beverly Hills hotel maid in the middle of a wet dream as the tabloid paper had a private dream about Senator John Edwards affair and love child with his former aid Rielle Hunter.

When awoken and questioned by hotel security, the National Enquirer confessed that the source of the messy dream did not result from revelations that John Edwards had been caught cheating on his cancer fighting spouse, nor that the former VP Candidate had created a love child with his staff and staffer.

The source of the wet dream apparently came from The National Enquirer’s over active imagination and internet porn obsession that sent DNA test samples from Edwards and Hunter to 4 prominent and well respected labs, which all unanimously confirmed that not only had an affair taken place creating a love child between the couple, but that the couple were in fact first cousins already!

Quick Fact: Did you know that 3 out of 4 National Enquirer computers are maxed out on RAM computer memory so that they can keep celebrity internet porn qued up and playing in high definition?

We didn’t know it either, but if we find out its true, it will make a great story.

Tabloid journalists haven’t struck gold like that since FDR married his cousin and died cheating on her while on vacation from WWII.

Here is a video that is sure to go viral soon, and I suspect may even hint at a sequel or a series as the Incredible McCain Hulk Girl takes on Obama girl to fight for control over the United States.

Democracy may never be the same again, but it definitely will create a lot of male fantasies about women taking control over the White House and could mark the balance transfer of power from one sex to the other. Maybe Hillary Clinton took the wrong approach in her unsuccessful bid for the White House. Instead of becoming a US Senator, maybe she would have been more successful by going into biomedical research.

Then again, I’m not sure that the world is ready for a Hillary Hulk Clinton…

Check out this goofy viral video of a chicken shooting pool by laying (rolling) an egg on a pool table.  The chicken is actually not too bad at pool.

On the down side the chicken welches on bets constantly and loses a lot of chalk, making it very difficult for other players to get a decent shot in if they follow the chicken. This has resulted in the chicken being fined by the World Pool Hall Association of America and the Billiards League of Great Britain.

This has not stopped the success of the chicken, which recently took on a sponsorship from Tide and several over the counter natural acne treatment solutions being marketed by J & J under a shell company out of Las Vegas.

ViralGrapeVine was the first organization to break the news to Obama supporters and lovers across the country and across the world.

Barack Obama is Out of the Race! 

He’s out of the Democratic Primary and he is out of the race for the 2008 Presidential election.  Barack Obama was found to be unqualified to be President of the United States after a public demonstration in Altoona, Pennsylvania.  Barack Obama showed up to what he thought would be a casual working class campaign stop. 

He bowled 10 frames with a staffer and racked up the amazingly low score of 37.  That’s right, he rolled the ball 20 times at 10 pins and only hit 37 pins (hard enough to knock them down).  The candidate was plagued by gutter balls and velcro shoes.

Little did Obama know that this was actually a test of the Bavarian sect of the Illuminati.  The Bavarian Illuminati have run the United States after substituting George Washington with a look alike actually named Adama Weishaupt (Vise Hopt’d) shortly after the American Revolution.

Since then the Illuminati have used their satanic ritual of testing potential Presidential candidates with seeming simple and innocent games such as nine pins, horse shoes, bowling and even tick tack toe.

The game used to test Abraham Lincoln in 1859 when he played against a chicken a match that many Illuminati insiders claimed as a rigged and unfair contest.  In 1859 it was almost impossible for a person to actually win a game of tic tac toe against a chicken.

In the modern age people today have a much better chance at besting chickens today after generations of Tyson led fowl genocide.

Barack Obama went up against the Illuminati this weekend and lost.  Many politicos have understood for some time that Obama was a member of the Ancients of Mu a Pacific Rim secret society that has fought distantly against the Illuminati, whom originated in Atlantis and later migrated to Greece, took over the Ottoman empire, then migrated through the Austro-Hungarian Empire and back across the Atlantic to the United States through their Bavarian sect.

Many people feel that the Illuminati are preparing for another transition out of the United States and back to the Middle East either to settle in Iraq, Pakistan, or Afghanistan so that they can prepare an offensive against the seat of the Ancients of Mu in Beijing.

All of that maneuvering seems to have gone against Barack Obama who was prepared to sweep the 2008 election until he was undone by a poison pill planted by the Illuminati grand wizard Harry Truman back in 1947.  Truman realized in 1947 that managing the US Nuclear arsenal could never fall into the hands of anyone belong to the Ancients of Mu and setup a secret program to test potential candidates by subjecting them to a bowling test. 

Since then many people have unknowingly taken this test in bowling allies across the United States.  Presidential material was typically identified early in life and tracked very closely, but Obama grew up in Indonesia and later Hawaii and fell off the radar of the Illuminati.

It wasn’t until this last weekend that an Illuminati spy working deep inside the Obama campaign, organized the stop engineered to test Obama and remove him ultimately from the campaign and contest for the Presidency.

That Illuminati plot has succeeded and the Ancients of Mu have to venture back to the drawing board.

Odds are if you are normal or have any experience on the internet, if you receive an email or a private message from a social networking site like Facebook or something and it reads something like this

I think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread!  Send me your email address.  I’d like to send you (naked) pictures of myself and possibly have a live webcam video chat with you!

You should probably ignore that email and send it to your spam bucket unless you are a Hillary Supporter, in which case you probably already know that its just Hillary’s normal tactic for teasing campaign contributions out of Americans.

Sure you could have an online relationship, maybe even have internet sex but think about your actions. 

If you have internet sex with someone,

• you are also having internet sex with everyone they have had internet sex with,
• everyone they are having internet sex with at the same time they have internet sex with you
• and conversely you are also having sex with absolutely no one!

That’s because when you have internet sex you are just masturbating!

You can call it internet sex all you like, but the reality is its just masturbation (no matter what your spouse or parents say).

Send this to Every Woman or Drug Addict You Know . . .

Last night, I received an email from a relative compelling me to forward the email to ‘every woman I know.’  The email describes how women can call a quick number to confirm that an unmarked cop car is a cop and not someone looking to abduct or kill the woman.  Few people realize that there are many other numbers for similar situations that are imperative to have handy in case of an emergency.

Here are some Other numbers that you SHOULD put on your speed dial.  The ViralGrapeVine Research Team has tested each and everyone of these numbers in every jurisdiction of the United States and just like the Verizon Wireless asshole, we are working to test it in many remote areas where signal strength is poor(If you are dumb enough to be on Verizon that is just about everywhere).

1. *111119  - Is My Drug Dealer a Cop?  You should dial this number to confirm whether or not your drug dealer is an under cover cop.  This is not a free service.  You must first join the International brotherhood or International sisterhood (depending on your sex, cross dressers need not bother as they have other ways to check on a drug dealers credentials).  Membership costs $25 and a blow job per year. No application is necessary. If you are willing to give a blow job a year to be a member, you obviously are a drug user.
2. *269 - Is My Prostitute a Cop?  WARNING!  This service no longer works.  This service was originally established by Heidi Fleiss, but after her most recent conviction authorities have seized the equipment and are using it to sting johns.  They are also using the phone records to target past offenders.  We severely apologize to our readers that relied on this service and are now in prison.  (Tip!  Please see the number *VICK below if you are now in prison)
3. *925 - Is My John a Cop?  A service established by Pimp Profiteers of America.  The PPOA has developed many programs targeted at reducing costs and increasing inventory turns on the street.  They have consistently found that having their hookers jailed is bad for business.  Any hooker can use this service for free.  Penalties for failure to use this service are heavy handed.
4. *99999 - Is My Pilot a Suicidal Terrorist? - This service works best if you snap a picture of your Pilot and send it as a MMS to *99999 Subject: Should I shit Myself Now?
5. 411 - Is My President an Idiot?  - This is a free service that can readily be answered correctly by any Operator.  (Note if you are reading this article after January 2009, the answer will still be the same.  The Operators do get new training and new scripts, but that does not change the fact that you have to be an idiot to be President.)
6. *VICK (8425)- Is My Cell Mate and Night Time Rapist infected with Hepatitis C or HIV?  This hotline was originally set up for Michael Vick, but has become so popular that hold times typically are longer than the actual prison rape itself.  The answer becomes a moot point.
7. *1000000000 - Is My Prospective Sugar Daddy Really Rich? - This number is run by Jack Forbes a very distant cousin to the Forbes empire.  He worked as an intern for Forbes during college and snagged a copy of their richest man database on his Apple IPod Nano.  (Warning!  We have now learned that this service is very reliable with the exception of anyone calling to verify Jack Forbes.)
8. *6Inches - Bigger than Six Inches? Whether or not you are thinking about going on a date, preparing to go on a date or just met someone at da club, you can call *6Inches (6-462437) and they can confirm whether or not your bedtime prospect is packing more than 6 inches.  This service is sponsored by Big Brother John Inc. a company that specializes in placing spy cams in da club urinals around the world.  They profess a 93% accuracy rate.  Their revolutionary software can analyze the flaccid length of a penis and make a determination as to how long said penis will be when aroused.  Their team of scientists are still trying to get the kinks out of their girth measurement system.
9. *456789 - Did anyone see that?  This service is available for anyone that finds themselves in a situation where they need to make the call on whether to cover up and lie or confess immediately.   Dial 456789 state your name, social security number, the time, date, place, and any victims that might be unable to communicate, and you will receive information enabling this service to tell you if anyone saw you commit a potential criminal act within the last 10 minutes.  If your phone is GPS enabled, you can also use their interactive service if you are on Verizon.  They do record all calls and information so that they can improve their customer service, support, and accuracy.  This project is very well funded (Google is rumored to be the backer).  It is likely that the servers and records for this service will be one of the first servers to be shipped to the dark side of the moon outside of the jurisdiction of any terrestrial government.  Many people think that this service was originally created to serve Google founders who are very big freaks according to our researchers.
10. *4232 (HAFA) - Did I just Spot a Dead Celebrity?  Send a picture message of a potential dead celebrity to 4232 and their facial recognition program can determine if you saw the real McCoy or a look alike.  They have proven confirmations of Lincoln, Elvis, Jimmi Hendrix.  This service was originally set up by The HAFA family working on a no bid contract for the Department of Homeland Defense in New York and was expanded after a potential terrorist submission turned out to be Janis Joplin.  Cost - Each call or submission will result in a $1 charge to your wireless bill.  90% of that money will be squirreled away somewhere and the rest will go to administrative costs.

The Original Email with the number *77 to confirm a cop

> It was about 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren’s parents have always told her never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.
>
> Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called *77 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren’t, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way.
>
> Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
>
> I never knew about the *77 Cell Phone feature, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going to a safe & quiet place. You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on your hazard lights) or call *77 like Lauren did.
>
> Too bad the cell phone companies don’t generally give you this little bit of wonderful information. Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that *77 was a direct link to state trooper info. So, now it’s your turn to let your friends know about *77.
>
> Send this to every woman (and person) you know. It may save a life. This applies to all 50 states.

I have no idea if that number really works nationwide or anywhere for that matter.  If you are in the US, I’d suggest just dialing 911 if you are really worried about it.

You can verify the email above is legitimate because it still has the annoying forwarding symbols.

Finally, the ViralGrapeVine investigative team have deemed that the following Articles with similar titles to our own are out right frauds and should not be trusted.

1. http://www.marcandangel.com/2008/02/13/10-handy-numbers-to-save-in-your-mobile-phone/
2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/_70214.html
3. http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/best-success/10_Numbers_Every_Man_Should_Have_on_Speed_Dial.shtml

Our crack research team, or is it our research team on crack?  Anyway these assholes we pay in drugs, confirmed these fraudulent stories by doing a Google Search on the keywords “10 numbers you must have on speed dial”  These stories did not appear in the number one slot on Google and therefore are not to be trusted as Google is the one and only true god.  Furthermore, our fine editorial staff confirmed that these articles were full of lies, lies and damned lies by simply taking the word of our research team prior to passing out during a binge drinking episode, which is probably not to different to the methodology used by the authors and editors of these same three articles.

If you agree that Google is the one and only true god, please consider linking to our story with the keywords “10 numbers you must have on speed dial”, Otherwise may Google have mercy on your soul….

Code for linking to 10 Numbers You Must have on Speed Dial

<a href=”http://www.viralgrapevine.com/10-numbers-you-must-have-on-speed-dial-or-else/”
title=”Get these Numbers to Buy Drugs and sleep with hookers or cell mates safely, I did!”
>10 numbers you must have on speed dial</a>

Republicans love to hate Hillary Clinton just about as much as they think they  love Ronald Reagan, but the old bag (the one that is alive) seems to have pulled a fast one on Conservative Republicans.

A recent report by Matt at the DrugReport indicates that Hillary Clinton raised $2 million directly from Conservative Republicans that thought they were making fun of Hillary.

Her campaign proxies appear to have sold about 200,000 of these t-shirts at $20 each for a $10 profit.

Joke is apparently on the Republicans.  They may have thought that Hillary doesn’t like the C$^+ word, but they didn’t know that the C$^+ word was code for CASH!