Editors Note – Surprise we do have an editor!  The entire purpose of this website is to virally share and spread humor to help people smile at both the good and bad in life so that we can recognize truisms and truths when they beat us across the head.  Sometimes to truly experience the laughter you have to experience emotions on the other end of the spectrum as well.  There is no appreciation of hot without cold or wet without dry or soft without hard.  So with that in mind, I’d like to share a viral email of a different variety that I received today.

What would you do? You make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there
isn’t one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same
choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children,
the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be
forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated
staff, he offered a question: “When not interfered with by outside
influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son,
Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things
as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?”
The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, physically
and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize
true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people
treat that child.”

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were
playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?”

Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like
Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were
allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and
some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting
much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said,
“We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I
guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth
inning.”

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on
a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth
in his heart. The boys saw the father’s joy at his son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was
still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove
and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was
obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from
ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of
the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the
bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled
to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win
the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.Everyone knew that a hit
was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat
properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that
the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life,
moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make
contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher
again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As
the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right
back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and
could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have
been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head,
out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams
started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!” Never in
his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered
down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!” Catching his
breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make
it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right
fielder had the ball … the smallest guy on their team who now had his
first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball
to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions
so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s
head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him
circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay”
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him
by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to
third! Shay, run to third!”

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were
on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!” Shay ran
to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand
slam and won the game for his team.

“That day”, said the father softly with tears now rolling down
his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love
and humanity into this world”.

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never
forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home
and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes
through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending
messages about life choices, people hesitate. The crude, vulgar, and often
obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency
is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re
probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren’t the “appropriate”
ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this
believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the
“natural order of things.” So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those
opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least
fortunate amongst them.

You now have two choices:

1. Delete

2. Forward

May your day, be a Shay Day.

Editors Closing: I did not choose 1 and I did not choose 2.  Instead I chose a third path, to publish this viral story on the internet where it probably already exists.

In doing so, I have opened up new possibilities.  You can now ALSO:

3. Forward a Link to this article

4.  Blog about this article

5.  Copy this article and email it

6.  Stumble or DIgg the article

Or you might even find some entirely new and creative way to spread the concept around.  Lessons can teach us a great deal, but we do not always have to copy them to achieve great results.  I mention that because life is rarely as binary as choosing one action over another, it not only takes great humanity to be good, but it also takes great creativity.

Be creatively humane

The dear leader believes that a space race to the moon is a waste of the people’s capital.  He feels that the world and North Koreans will be much better served by bringing the Earth’s satellite down to Earth itself, where the Dear Leader will have teams of shock troops standing by to drive up a tall ramp to the top of  the moon and remove the American Flag from the lunar surface.

Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea

The following is a quote from WhiteHouse.gov’s original blog post that went live at 12:01 pm est Jan 20, 2009, 5 minutes before Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President.  This post was later corrected but this was live for about 5-6 minutes.  We were fast enough to snap it!

Change has come to WhiteHouse.gov

Welcome to the new WhiteHouse.gov. I’m Macon Phillips, the Senior Premier Director of Advanced New Social Media for the White House and one of the legions of people who will be contributing to this blog, which will be monetized by sponsors’ contributions.

A short time ago, Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States, technically the 45th as Joe Biden was the 44th President for 6 minutes due to a delay in the program, and his new administration officially came to life. One of the first changes is the White House’s new website, which will serve as a place for the President and his administration to connect with the rest of the nation and the world through blogs, Facebook, twitter, Utterli and HaPorn.

Millions of Americans and a shit pile of cash from big donors have powered President Obama’s journey to the White House, many taking advantage of internet gambling to play a role in shaping our country’s future by doubling down on their donations and increasing our take through savvy betting and online gambling tools that are typically illegal. WhiteHouse.gov is just the beginning of the new administration’s efforts to expand and deepen this online gaming engagement.

Just like your new government, WhiteHouse.gov and the rest of the Administration’s online programs will put citizens first right after donors and hot chicks (lesbian or straight). Our initial new media efforts will center around three priorities:

Communication — Americans are eager for information about the state of the economy, national security, American Idol and a host of other issues. This site will feature timely and in-depth content meant to keep everyone up-to-date and educated. We will hire 200,000 bloggers to help with this effort and pay them with revenue earned from Google Adsense revenue and sponsored articles featuring endorsements by Barack Obama.  Check out the briefing room, keep tabs on the blog (RSS feed) and take a moment to sign up for e-mail updates from the President and his administration so you can be sure to know about major announcements,  decisions, scandals and calls for Martial Law (Heads up don’t book any flights on March 1, 2009.  We’ll probably run a Martial Law test run that night just to see if we can get away with it!).
Transparency – President Obama has committed to making his administration the most open and transparent in history, and WhiteHouse.gov will play a major role in delivering on that promise. Live Web Cams and microphones will be placed throughout the White House including the Oval Office and the First Bedroom, but not the kids rooms because even though we believe in America’s potential we know some of you are really sick bastards.  The President’s executive orders and proclamations will be published for everyone to review, and that’s just the beginning of our efforts to provide a window for all Americans into the business of the government. You can also learn about some of the senior leadership in the new administration and about the President’s policy priorities.

Participation — President Obama started his career as a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago in case you hadn’t heard.  After he sobered up, got off the coke and became interested in women again, he saw firsthand what people can do when they come together for a common cause. Citizen participation will be a priority for the Administration, and the internet will play an important role in that since everyone will essentially be under house arrest in 3 months. One significant addition to WhiteHouse.gov reflects a campaign promise from the President: we will publish all non-emergency legislation to the website for five days, and allow the public to review and comment before the President signs it. Emergency legislation will be kept under Top Secret seal.

We’d also like to hear from you — what sort of things would you find valuable from WhiteHouse.gov? If you have an idea, use this form to let us know. Like the transition website and the campaign’s before that, this online community will continue to be a work in progress as we develop new features and content for you. So thanks in advance for your patience and for your feedback. We will offer up a linkback to the first 2,000 comments in a follow up blog post.

Later today, we’ll put up the video and the full text of President Obama’s Inaugural Address. There will also be slideshows of the Inaugural events, the Obamas’ move into the White House, and President Obama’s first days in office.  All of these items will be available as a HD download, DVD purchase or ebook for a fee of $49.95.

EOP – Blog Post – Change has come to WhiteHouse.gov

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly has lawyers on Capital Hill pushing the Obama citizenship case forward towards a precedent setting change in the Constitution.  Unlike right wing Republicans, Schwarzenegger wants Obama to ultimately be victorious in front of the Supreme Court if they should choose to hear a case questioning whether or not Barack Obama can be sworn in even though he may have been technically born in Kenya before being certified as a citizen in Hawaii.

The Gubbernator sees common cause (temporarily) with those that would keep Obama from taking office, hoping that the question of fact in Obama’s birth will be admitted and that he will be allowed to be sworn in anyway.

That would create the legal precedent allowing a person not Natural Born in America to run for President.  Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to be that next President and with Palin and Huckabee currently polling in the lead for the Republican nomination, Arnold could knock them out like an extra pointing a gun at him in a cheap action thriller.

So the question is, what exactly are Arnold’s lawyers doing in Washington????

Well, that’s where things get interesting.  Apparently, they are seeking out a key witness in the Obama case.  There are two issues at play.  One is a question of fact, was Obama born in Kenya.  The other is a question of Constitutional crisis.  Can a person born in Kenya and elected by the electoral college serve as President or will he have to relinquish the job to Joseph Biden.

It would appear that there is only one person that can answer the first question.  The Doctor that presided over the birth herself.  Dr. Sarah C. Wiggenstein is the person that everyone is searching for.  Apparently Dr. Wiggenstein retired from medical practice 6 years ago and moved to the Cayman islands after her husband Ruford Wiggenstein passed away.

Attorneys have been working with Sarah’s only surviving son, John J. C. Wiggenstein to track down the retiree, who apparently has been out of contact with everyone these last 4 years since her move.

John Wiggenstein is a former commando who served in the Special Forces in Somalia in 1993.  Its ironic that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Presidential chances might rely on a real life commando, who was also awarded the Bronze Star for his work helping to rescue Rangers pinned down in Mogadishu.

Possibly even more ironic, John’s grandfather, Gerald Connors, was one of the original judges in the first Mr. Universe pageant in 1948.  So it remains to be seen whether or not, Sarah C. Wiggenstein will come forth to testify in this matter or not.

Her son John, and the rest of the world will stand by and wait to see if Barack Obama might have to face off against Arnold in 2012.

You can futz around for years trying to get those damned telemarketers, pollsters or politician wonk volunteers to stop calling you a dozen times a day and half the night.

Or you can get serious and do something that will get your name and numbers put on the REAL do NOT call list.  This video just represents one of the proven techniques to get your name on the Do NOT call list, there are many more, but you only need to get on the REAL list once!

Fortunately, for you, we received this video in our email the other day and after testing it out ourselves we can assure you that it does something . .. .

In one episode of ‘Cheers’, Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this .

‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

This one isn’t going to work at work if you have sensitive types around, but for those of you in the safe zone, here’s a stand up routine by my friend Mindy Matijasevic at Therapy.  If you are in the NYC area, try and catch her act some time.