Pissing Around Topics & Videos
Annual Cinco de Mayo Yearly Eye Ball Scrubbing
Once a year, we must all submit to bathing our eye balls. Those nasty orbs get relatively filthy without regular cleansing. While it is true that water on your eye balls can infect you with demons who will make you succumb to the practices of the devil, it is also true you have to clean them regularly.
So in case you were feeling reluctant about this years eye ball scrub, we thought we’d share this nice image of David Hasselhoff wearing an 80’s style bikini.
Enjoy your scrub!
Pounding in Tampax with a Hammer?
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ” PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE.”
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word “Tampax” for THUMBTACKS.” In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
“DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?”
Diane E. Amov
Illuminati Dept of CIA Admits Plan Allowing Catcher in the Rye Author to Die a ‘Natural Death’ ;)
Senior Grand Wizard and Subversive Materials Desk Chief Markoff Cheney announced at a press conference today that the Illuminati Department of the CIA had in fact created a plan to allow J.D. Salinger to die a very slow and very extra natural death. He stopped short of saying that the death of the Catcher in the Rye was a conspiracy, but did admit that up to 13 different department heads had signed off on the plan in blood.
‘Its our job to decide when and where every man, woman and child must die.’ Markoff Cheney at a 2006 presentation at Disney World speaking to the Organizers of the New World Order.
Conspiracy theory buffs and nut jobs alike will likely take issue with the Illuminati over the natural death of Salinger. Most fans expected Salinger to go out in a blaze of martyrdom like glory in a twisted an unexpected but very concealed manner. That was not the case, or so we are led to believe.
~This report issued verbatim as allowed by the G20’s DOOP ROCTT (Department of Official Press Releases on Conspiracy Theories & Theorists).
Related Stories that are likely full of nonsensical factoids
National Business Review – 33 minutes ago
The author of The Catcher in the Rye, died at his New Hampshire home on Wednesday (local time), aged 91. The Catcher in the Rye was published in 1951 and …
US novelist JD Salinger dies at 91: agent
Sydney Morning Herald – 27 minutes ago
Reclusive US novelist JD Salinger, a giant of American literature for his legendary work "The Catcher in the Rye," has died at 91, his agent said Thursday. …
Christian Science Monitor – Marjorie Kehe – 23 minutes ago
JD Salinger, creator of Holden Caufield, has died at the age of 91. What is his legacy? By Marjorie Kehe / January 28, 2010 If you’ve been to high school in …
US Army Motivational Poster – Humor
I saw this image sent virally in emails several time this last week, then I saw it on Facebook too. Its not right, but its funny. Probably, a lot funnier if you are there for the picture (with orders to ship home immediately).
Something to Make You Smile Viral Email
Viral Emails sent with a chain of images clipped from god knows where and then sent to hundreds of millions of people to distract them from life in general is almost as old as the internet itself. So maybe this one should be directed not at the aging person reflected in your computer monitor right now, but the internet itself . . .
So here is the latest in viral emails to make you smile (and feel old)
ALL OF US CAN GET A SMILE FROM THIS ONE….
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This is only for those of us who are somewhat willing to admit that we might be getting older….
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Shit The Fucking Most Worthless Twitter Application ‘CurseBird’ has no Affiliate Program
It’s called CurseBird and NO they do not have an affiliate program. So you can go and curse them out on Twitter all you like, its probably not going to make your tweets have any more impact than they don’t already!
Palin Clan Melt Hole in Glacier During Anchorage Beer Fest and Pissing Contest
Scientists monitoring a glacier clinging to Mount Redoubt noticed that a hole in the glacier clinging to the north side of the volcano had doubled in size overnight — and now spans the length of two football fields. The doubling in size coincided with a Sarah Palin Clan gathering just above the glacier.
Each year members of the widely extended Sarah Palin clan gather for a massive Beer fest. The drinking starts at the crack of noon and continues until noon the next day. The event peeks before it ends just before midnight when the entire clan gathers on top of a long cliff above the glacier.
From this lofty vantage, the entire clan proceeds to engage in a group ‘Piss Off.’ Men and women of all ages and sizes line up with arms linked together, entertwined at the elbows and they piss over the cliff. It starts with the oldest Palin on the right and as soon is she is done pissing, it moves to the next Palin, and so on and so forth until the clan is entirely pissed out.
The Palin clan is famous not only for its popular governor and snow machine champion, but also for the ability of all of the women in the Palin clan to piss while standing up.
Members of the first Palin Clan Piss off in 1896. The Piss off started in San Francisco.
The Palin’s at that time pissed off the porch, but unfortunately they pissed in such volumes that it destabilized the ground under the house, which eventually came crashing down and the Palins fled to Idaho and later Alaska.
Scientists with the Alaska Volcano Observatory on Friday flew close to Drift Glacier and spotted vigorous steam emitted from a hole on the mountain glacier. By Saturday, they had confirmed the area was a Piss-hole, an opening in the ice and earth that emits gases and steam, that was increasing in size at an alarming rate.
They also saw water streaming down the glacier, indicating heat from urine is reaching lower elevations of the mountain and heading for Anchorage miles away.
"The glacier is now sort of falling apart in the upper part," research geologist Kristi Wallace said. Without a solid freeze this winter, it is feared that this glacier may be irreparably damaged. Even worse, the glacier keeps Mount Redoubt cooled.
Mount Redoubt is a slightly active volcano and the change in thermodynamics in the glacier resulting from all of that Palin Piss might just trigger that mama to blow!
For more information on this story.
