It is completely fair to fire someone that takes another persons food or drink from the fridge.
However, to balance that out, anyone that has ever at anytime in the history of the company, cleaned said refrigerator should be able to exercise the option to either
a - eat any loose items of food that are not packaged in a container provided by the manufacturer (ergo they can eat a sandwich in a plastic baggie but can not drink a coke or eat a pudding pack, they can also eat any take out or left over food in a container from a restaraunt that has been in the fridge for more than 24 hours(but can not claim any health benefits if they become ill)
b - they can take any food that has remained in the fridge for more than 72 hours and utilize it for a revenge campaign against the perceived former owner by
1. throwing the rotted or rotten food at the former owner at company picnics,
2. hiding rotten food somewhere in the former owners cubicle, office, desk, coat on coat racks, or if the person has their own printer, they can hide rotten food in extra unused paper trays,
3. They can place rotted food underneath the tires of the person’s car, but cannot place the food on the actual car itself
4. they can fedex the food to the person’s home using the corporate fedex account as long as the food does not have any white powdery substance
5. if the food or drink has the potential to create any type of stickyness, they can utilize portions, but not all of the food to stick the person’s mouse upside down to the ceiling above the person’s chair such that when the stickyness wears off the mouse will plummet downward and konk the person on the head, generating a loud double clicking noise (1 click from mouse impacting cranium and 1 click from teeth clicking teeth)
6. If the left over item is a liquid (such as coffee, soda, champagne or packets of soy sauce or something similar, this liquid should be dumped into a bucket or kitchenette sink (with drain plugged) and then sucked into a super soaker squirt gun, which will then be utilized to spray and soak the person either during the next slips, trips and spills safety session or immediately as the person attempts to place any additional liquid or food items into the refrigerator
7 For people that are electronically savvy it is also completely appropriate to take a digital photograph of the offending item(s), sneak into the President or CEO’s office while they are out, upload the photo to their computer and then email the person from the Presiden or CEO’s email address stating that they (the owner of the food) were capture on video placing this item of food in the refrigerator and that they need to clean the refrigerator before COB and send a group email to all members of the office work place apologizing for their poor refrigerator etiquette (note if the food belongs to the CEO or President, just remove their laptop (bonus if they brag about having the most ram out of all your coworkers) from their office, replacing it with a post it note stating "Your laptop can be found underneath the half eaten lamb chops you left in the refrigerator in March, please remove your chops and your laptop at your earliest convenience". When you do this sign the post it note with the name of some other office worker that has also left food in the refrigerator, and if they are competing with you for a promotion or if they have been an ‘ass’ to you in the past proceed to spill a little of their food onto the President or CEO’s laptop for good measure.)
8 If the food has been left in the refrigerator for more than a week, and also has an obnoxious sign or note on it saying, "This food does not belong to you so don’t eat it again you damn thieves!" it is perfectly acceptable to take this food and rub it on the actual paint of the owner’s car.
9 if multiple people in your office place anti-thievery notes on their food, leave food in the refrigerator for more than 2 days then you should swap name tags, randomly putting tags from one item of food or drink on other items of food or drink. This need not be limited to items of food that also have tags or notes of ownership, but should be placed on un-tagged food and drink items.
10 - If someone brings in a fridge pack of soft drinks, red bull, or bottled water taking up more than their fair share or perceived fair share of space in the refrigerator, you should place a note on those items stating something like "I have recently been diagnosed with diabetes and can no longer drink coke, please drink it for me" or "my land fill is almost full with plastic bottles, please drink this bottled water for me and spare my landfill" or "I got such a rush of speed from drinking red bull that I beat my wife and went to jail over the weekend, I’ve sworn off red bull as part of a court directed plea agreement, please drink my remaining red bull for me" or "My spouse has recently joined a church that believes that Starbucks new logo displays images of prostitutes. I will no longer support Starbucks whory logo so feel free to drink the last of my slutty coffee if you like whores yourself." It is important to note, that you can put these labels on their drinks, but can not yourself DRINK or consume these items as you know these labels are a complete lie. (Waivers for anyone that has stopped taking anti-psychotic medication can be granted by HR)
