Local geese in Rochester, NY are becoming more and more concerned that the growing airplane problem is getting out of hand.  The situation came to a head this week when a local gaggle attempted to usher an airplane away from geese mating areas.

“No matter how much we honked and flapped our wings at the foolish plane, it wouldn’t change course.” airman second class Ferlunky Feddermine stated during a press conference.  “Some of the members of our wing got carried away and decided to take matters into their own feathers by flying straight at the plane, but the clunky dim witted metal bird could not turn away fast enough.  Two birds were wounded and 3 were killed, names will be released to the media once their next of kin hatches and can be notified.”

Over the last hundred years this new species of metal bird has proven to be more and more problematic.  The deaf and dumb creatures of the sky have very little ability to avoid other birds, they do not float nor swim well, and they seem to be mostly constipated except when they drop the most curious frozen blue feces while in flight, typically at very high altitudes.

Punxsutawney officials are scrambling to figure out if they can schedule a redo by tomorrow morning with their most famous rodent, Punxsutawney Phil, who was scared earlier today at sunrise on Gobblers Knob when Apple CEO, Steve Jobs scared the ground hog back into is hole by flashing a new Apple iPad and cursing about how evil Adobe and Google were before a crowd of over caffeinated spectators.

Mayor, James Wehrle, indicated this was not the first time that Jobs had tried to interfere in Phil’s prognostications of the season.  “Back in 1995, Jobs showed up dressed as Woody from Toy Story and many people felt that his shooting of a cap gun at sunrise went against the spirit of Ground Hog’s day.”  That’s putting it mildly considering the official letter that was sent from the Mayor’s office in 1996, dis-inviting Jobs from attending.

Fast forward 14 years, and many are now wondering if Jobs should be banned from the town altogether.

Punxsutawney Apple Store Manager, Geoffrey Randolph said, “Everyone knows that Phil (the ground hog) is a huge Apple fan boy.  It was just cruel to flash that ugly looking over sized iPod Touch in his face.”

‘Cruel’ is also the world that PETA activists are shouting as preparations to boycott Apple products are being organized around the country.  “Groundhogs have claws and can’t use Apple’s touch devices.  The interface is very unforgiving for clawed animals.  Enlarging the device just rubs it in, and that’s before you even consider the fact that the iPad can not play Flash.  Groundhogs are huge fans of Adobe Flash animation.” PETA Animal Observational Studies Scientist, Zuen Zieu indicated during a press conference just after noon on the east coast.  They like to play animated ground hog games.  They just can’t do that with a Apple iPhone nor an iPad.  “They fear they will be disenfranchised from the internet and relegated to a life of captivity and exploitation.”

I saw this image sent virally in emails several time this last week, then I saw it on Facebook too.  Its not right, but its funny.  Probably, a lot funnier if you are there for the picture (with orders to ship home immediately).

We may share stupid viral things from time to time, but we don’t produce scary creepy stuff like this.

Maybe you sometimes ask the absurd question, Why do Boys Need Parents?  Well odds, are you never ask that question, but you probably have seen this viral email floating around, or bits and pieces of it.  I swear the list of pictures gets longer every time I see it.

Why boys need parents….

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This viral email of course comes with the obligatory threat that you must pass it along or else

If you don’t send this to a few old friends, there will be fewer people laughing in the world and then your first born will be fed to one of the people in this photo series.

The Sphynx, is a hairless pussy cat that likes to run around the house commando.

The world’s largest (formerly) living snake was found dead in a large drained water complex in Brazil.  The snake measure over 50 feet long.  You may feel that it is now safe to venture back into the Amazon, but investigators found fragments of a snake skin (incomplete) that they suspect may have measured close to 70 feet.  It could be the mate of this dead snake.

Helium addiction threatens a whole new generation.  Sucking helium is a fun and amusing activity for some, but the addiction can cause long lasting problems, among other things Severe ear inflation.

Michael Vick may be out of jail but the shit storm has just started, literally almost.  Michael Vick’s unwilling neighbors have staged a revolting revolt against the presence of furloughed federal prisoner Vick, who admitted guilt 19 months ago.

Neighbors have spent the last several days parading their dogs past Vick’s modest home in Virginia encouraging the pets to defecate on Vick’s lawn, drive way and sidewalk.  This resulted in a relatively crappy welcome home and caused one of Vick’s parole officers to remove and clean her shoes after stepping in a nasty mess while walking with Vick to test his new ankle bracelet.  Security guards armed with cones, barricades and pooper scoopers are now on patrol to fend off the neighbors and dogs, although a spokesperson stated that the guards are there primarily to keep dogs at a safe distance from the prisoner.

Inspiration