Viral Grape Vine

Here’s a viral email that explains the phenomena that entices friends to send other friends viral email.

Its all God’s Fault!

In this episode, Kenny overdoses on Brittany Spears’ weight loss pills after mistaking them for Viagra. 

Apparently we have to engage in this email networking of viral jokes if we ever stand a chance of making it into heaven as the following joking parable illustrates.

This  explains why I forward jokes MOST OF THE  TIME.

A  man and his dog were walking along a road The man was enjoying the scenery, when  it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He  remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.  He wondered where the road was leading them After  a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It  looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch  that glowed in the sunlight.
When  he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like  mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He  and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk  to one side.
When  he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This  is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow!  Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
‘Of  course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’
The  man gestured, and the gate began to open.

‘Can  my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m  sorry, sir, but we don’t accept
pets.’

The  man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way  he had been going with his dog.

After  another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road  leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There  was no fence.
As  he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading  a book.

‘Excuse  me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah,  sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How  about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There  should be a bowl by the pump.’
They  went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump  with a bowl beside it.

The  traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some  to the dog.

When  they were full, he and the dog
walked  back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

‘What  do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well,  that’s confusing,’ the traveler said.
‘The man down the road said
that was  Heaven, too.’

‘Oh,  you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’

“Doesn’t  it make you mad for them to use your name like that,the man  said?”

‘No,  we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best  friends behind.’
Soooo
Sometimes,  we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a  word.
Maybe this will explain.
When  you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You  forward jokes.
When  you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When  you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward  jokes.
Also  to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are  still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.
So,  next time if you get a joke, don’t think that you’ve been sent just another  forwarded joke, but that you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the  other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

It takes a lot for animals to stand up and throw stones at the morality of other animals.  This is probably the primary reason why animals other than humans do not engage in religion (if you discount dolphins adoration of psycho therapy . .)

That said, even animals have a few moral limits.

One of those moral limits comes into play when one animal engages in sexual relations with inanimate objects designed to look like animals. What this place needs is more tourists to prevent this type of un-natural behavior. IF there was a golf course present in the vicinity, someone could whack some golf balls in the general direction of this frisky fellow and the statue might not suffer this type of sexual aggression.  

Check out this goofy viral video of a chicken shooting pool by laying (rolling) an egg on a pool table.  The chicken is actually not too bad at pool.

On the down side the chicken welches on bets constantly and loses a lot of chalk, making it very difficult for other players to get a decent shot in if they follow the chicken. This has resulted in the chicken being fined by the World Pool Hall Association of America and the Billiards League of Great Britain.

This has not stopped the success of the chicken, which recently took on a sponsorship from Tide and several over the counter natural acne treatment solutions being marketed by J & J under a shell company out of Las Vegas.

Alternatively, you could try and buy some plastic bottles of beer to teach her with. Just don’t take it too far. Before you know it, she’ll be doing jello shots off your belly and we all know what urban legend involving peanut butter that can encourage.

I’d hate to read about you for the next 10 years in a viral email….

Then again if you look like this chick, it might be bad for my hear 10 years from now, pushing up the bpm on my heart with racy viral images like this.
Mobile post sent by brettbum using Utterz.  Replies.

Its that time of the year again when Bee’s come out to pollinate the world and sting people.  Even though Bees may be dying off and the future existence of mankind may be at risk, there is still time to pay attention to this viral email about curing bee stings by taping a penny to the sting.

*No bees, flowers, pennies, or zync plugs were harmed in the making of this viral email article.  A great deal of ozone depleting scotch tape was utilized however.  Not on the arm of our model, but instead as the entire camera crew gathered around to tape their noses to their foreheads and their ears to their cheeks.  Scotch Tape is not something to play with when you are on a budget or when the Ozone layer is threatened.

This information may be something to remember, as this season will soon be here again…
It might be wise to carry a penny in your pocket while working in the yard……… BEE STINGS !
A couple of weeks ago, I was stung by both a bee and hornet while working in the garden. My arm swelled up, so I went to the doctor. The clinic gave me cream and an antihistamine. The next day the swelling was getting progressively worse, so I went to my regular doctor. The arm was Infected and needed an antibiotic.  The doctor told me - ‘The next time you get stung, put a penny on the bite for 15 minutes’.
That night, my niece was stung by two bees. I looked at the bite and it had already started to swell. So, I taped a penny to her arm for 15 minutes. The next morning, there was no sign of a bite.  We decided that she just wasn’t allergic to the sting.
Soon, I was gardening outside. I got stung again, twice by a hornet on my left hand. I thought, here I go again to the doctor for another antibiotic.   I promptly got my money out and taped two pennies to my bites, then sat and sulked for 15 minutes. The penny took the string out of the bite immediately.
In the meantime the hornets were attacking, and my friend was stung on the thumb. Again the penny. The next morning I could only see the spot where the hornet had stung me. No redness, no swelling. My friend’s sting was the same; couldn’t even tell where she had been stung.
Wanted to share this marvelous information in case you experience the same problem. We need to keep a stock of pennies on hand .
The doctor said that the copper in the penny counteracts the bite.  It definitely works! Please remember and pass this information on to your friends, children, grandchildren, etc

Well if that doesn’t work, you can always try a potato  . . . .  ;) 

I actually looked up my Grandma Garrison’s potato slice remedy for healing warts in a 100 year old medical book.  Its in there.  Potato slices using a similar type of magic as described with the penny, can supposedly heal about anything from warts to syphilis to pimples and cancer. 

But it doesn’t work any better than putting a zync penny coated with copper on your skin and waiting for the poison attempt to do something unique to water, osmosis.  The copper atoms have no way of magically calling to the bee sting poison and telling it to flow against the tide of your blood and cells and teleport through your skin and then engage in a chemically neutralizing reaction with the surface of a penny. 

Here’s the urban legend investigation on it  http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/beesting.asp 

Pennies in the US actually are not made of copper.  Their made of zync and coated with copper.  Plus the sting venom is actually under the skin and the 2% copper coating the zync penny.  The solid surface of the penny has no way of penetrating the layers of skin to actually have a reaction with the venom, unless you slice into the skin with a razor blade or something (not recommended) and even then you are going to dilute the venom with blood preventing any chance of a good chemical reaction. 

Regardless a penny is a cheap treatment.  But lets face it, its not a real treatment.  It may seem cheap, but if your kid really needs some attention then get them some real medical help otherwise.  Its that or invest in some child insurance (and possibly some legal insurance for your self).