Viral Celebrities Topics & Videos

Mr. Pa C. Man died today after being attacked by a ghost in a small room separated by upright standing door like obstacles. He is survived by one Mrs. Pa C. Man, who authorities believe may also be at risk.

Once a year, we must all submit to bathing our eye balls.  Those nasty orbs get relatively filthy without regular cleansing.  While it is true that water on your eye balls can infect you with demons who will make you succumb to the practices of the devil, it is also true you have to clean them regularly.

So in case you were feeling reluctant about this years eye ball scrub, we thought we’d share this nice image of David Hasselhoff wearing an 80’s style bikini.   

Enjoy your scrub!

Yes Man may have been one of Jim Carrey’s best movies, but the decision to come back for a second round with ‘No Man’ almost proved fatal for the comedic genius who reportedly toppled off the back of a scooter while wearing a dog suit.  Carrey was filming his first gay bestiality scene as the movie served up one impossible situation after the next in which his character should have said No Man!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any….a true story…We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

In other news . . . Bobbing for tea bags to get a news job. 

Who says that journalism is dead?

That’s just stupid

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla.—Officials for the PGA publicly apologized to Tiger Woods today for thwarting sex addiction Friday, but the star golfer left unclear when or if he would return to the sport.

In his first public appearance since the November car accident that touched off the scandal, Mr. Woods defiantly denied rumors that his wife might have hit him out of anger or during their own private role playing fantasies.  He implored the media to leave his family alone.

Meanwhile, PGA officials acknowledged that they have been receiving in-patient therapy for their issues and talking with Greek Finance minister hoping to seek financial counseling advice to help them recover from the tsunami of losses racking up now that they have pushed out their primary source of income, Tiger Woods.

“We have a lot to atone for,” stated PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchen.

“If there is anything we can do to bring Tiger back to the sport of golf faster, we will.  Need stripper caddies, no problem.  Lap dances in golf carts, no problem.  Ménage à trois brunch events, we’re all over that.  The PGA is going to sex up our act to foster a more Tiger conducive environment where not only Tiger but any sexual deviant, pervert, whack job, flasher etc that can bring in advertisers and money like Tiger can is free to express themselves and rub one out with or without help as they like.”

Wearing a black sport coat and open collar—and often staring straight into the camera—Mr. Woods expressed his appreciation for the sentiments of the commissioner and other PGA Tour officials as they stood behind a podium at the TPC Sawgrass golf course where the PGA Tour is headquartered speaking in front of a group of some 40 people, including friends, associates his mother and a bevy of professional women that flew in from Las Vegas just for the public apology event.

“I do plan to return to golf one day,” Mr. Woods said. “I just don’t know when that day will be. I don’t rule out that it will be this year. When I return, I need to make clear that my behavior and actions performed in private will be my business and my business alone, but if I text you for help while I’m lying in a ditch after my wife has beat me over the head with a golf club while running me down in the family car, call an ambulance, please.”

Mr. Finchen concluded the tightly scripted event by saying, “Tiger, I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in us again.” He then hugged Tiger while giving him a hand job in front of the national press.

TIGER WOODS – golfer, Just Do Me by orlandocougarclub
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TIGER WOODS – I was in a FOURSOME with TIGER by orlandocougarclub
View more Tiger T-Shirts

TIGER WOODS, golfer, JUST DO ME by orlandocougarclub
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Punxsutawney officials are scrambling to figure out if they can schedule a redo by tomorrow morning with their most famous rodent, Punxsutawney Phil, who was scared earlier today at sunrise on Gobblers Knob when Apple CEO, Steve Jobs scared the ground hog back into is hole by flashing a new Apple iPad and cursing about how evil Adobe and Google were before a crowd of over caffeinated spectators.

Mayor, James Wehrle, indicated this was not the first time that Jobs had tried to interfere in Phil’s prognostications of the season.  “Back in 1995, Jobs showed up dressed as Woody from Toy Story and many people felt that his shooting of a cap gun at sunrise went against the spirit of Ground Hog’s day.”  That’s putting it mildly considering the official letter that was sent from the Mayor’s office in 1996, dis-inviting Jobs from attending.

Fast forward 14 years, and many are now wondering if Jobs should be banned from the town altogether.

Punxsutawney Apple Store Manager, Geoffrey Randolph said, “Everyone knows that Phil (the ground hog) is a huge Apple fan boy.  It was just cruel to flash that ugly looking over sized iPod Touch in his face.”

‘Cruel’ is also the world that PETA activists are shouting as preparations to boycott Apple products are being organized around the country.  “Groundhogs have claws and can’t use Apple’s touch devices.  The interface is very unforgiving for clawed animals.  Enlarging the device just rubs it in, and that’s before you even consider the fact that the iPad can not play Flash.  Groundhogs are huge fans of Adobe Flash animation.” PETA Animal Observational Studies Scientist, Zuen Zieu indicated during a press conference just after noon on the east coast.  They like to play animated ground hog games.  They just can’t do that with a Apple iPhone nor an iPad.  “They fear they will be disenfranchised from the internet and relegated to a life of captivity and exploitation.”

Here’s a great little email circulating what purports to be Tiger Woods Guide to picking a great woman.  Its a short guide, and doesn’t mention looking like a Barbie Doll or having an expendable phone number anywhere!

1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s VERY, VERY important that these four women do not know each other

Signed,

Tiger Woods

Senior Grand Wizard and Subversive Materials Desk Chief Markoff Cheney announced at a press conference today that the Illuminati Department of the CIA had in fact created a plan to allow J.D. Salinger to die a very slow and very extra natural death.  He stopped short of saying that the death of the Catcher in the Rye was a conspiracy, but did admit that up to 13 different department heads had signed off on the plan in blood.

‘Its our job to decide when and where every man, woman and child must die.’ Markoff Cheney at a 2006 presentation at Disney World speaking to the Organizers of the New World Order.

Conspiracy theory buffs and nut jobs alike will likely take issue with the Illuminati over the natural death of Salinger.  Most fans expected Salinger to go out in a blaze of martyrdom like glory in a twisted an unexpected but very concealed manner.  That was not the case, or so we are led to believe.

~This report issued verbatim as allowed by the G20’s DOOP ROCTT (Department of Official Press Releases on Conspiracy Theories & Theorists).

Related Stories that are likely full of nonsensical factoids

US literary icon dead at 91

National Business Review – ‎33 minutes ago‎

The author of The Catcher in the Rye, died at his New Hampshire home on Wednesday (local time), aged 91. The Catcher in the Rye was published in 1951 and …

US novelist JD Salinger dies at 91: agent

Sydney Morning Herald – ‎27 minutes ago‎

Reclusive US novelist JD Salinger, a giant of American literature for his legendary work "The Catcher in the Rye," has died at 91, his agent said Thursday. …

Remembering JD Salinger

Christian Science Monitor – Marjorie Kehe – ‎23 minutes ago‎

JD Salinger, creator of Holden Caufield, has died at the age of 91. What is his legacy? By Marjorie Kehe / January 28, 2010 If you’ve been to high school in …

Insiders are reporting that Marge Simpson’s Playboy cover and pullout centerfold also features an interview of the Blue Haired bombshell.  In that interview Marge reportedly discusses her recent months at the Playboy bunny ranch and her skype phone counseling sessions with the Octomom. 

Octomom reportedly had a short term fling with former child star Bart Simpson this summer, something many close friends described as payback against her ex husband.  Marge got involved to make sure that her son was not ‘emotionally injured in the crossfire’ but later became close with Kate.

Now, in the interview in Playboy, Marge seems to be extending an olive branch to Kate to reconsider posing in the world’s most famous gentlemen’s magazine.

Separately, the Simpson camp is fighting off a bit of a scandal as pictures of Marge receiving a Brazilian wax job in preparation for her centerfold have been leaked to the internet.  Her people were quick to point out that the images were probably doctored as “Mrs. Simpson is a cartoon character and with the exception of her Blue Doo, doesn’t have much body hair to speak of…”

 Homer Simpson reportedly recently purchased a digital camera and a Mac with Photoshop.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.  
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
~M. Chaney, formerly The Management

Dear Mrs.Chaney,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.  
2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.  
3. July 7:
He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.  
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away’.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted
with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.    
5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.        
6. August 14:
Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.    
7. August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.  
8. August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.    
9. September 4 :
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.  
10. September 10 :
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.  
11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.  
12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his ‘ Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.  
13. October 18 :
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’  
14. October 21 :
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
And last, but not least: 15. October 23 :
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey!
There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.

~ The Management

On the monthly anniversary of the passing of WWII hero Darrell Shifty Powers, who was in all of the Band of Brothers episodes portrayed by Peter Youngblood Hills, I received an email that looked like one of those viral scams, but the email in fact is legitimate in content. 

"I could hear bullets and shrapnel hitting the plane. As I jumped out the door, I could see that the left motor was on fire." – Darrell Shifty Powers talking about jumping over Normandy, France, on D-Day.

Many, many of you have sent me notice that Shifty Powers of the heroic Easy Company, 2-506th PIR, 101st Airborne Division, died on June 17th.  I had no idea that he had passed on.  I have written here a lot about Easy Company and even have an autographed photo (Bill Guarnere) on my desk of the jump into Holland (Market Garden).

If you use GoogleNews (any combo of Darrell and/or Shifty Powers), there are less then ten notices of his death.  There are less than four articles about his passing on from "old media" news agencies.

Quite frankly, this is an affront to a genuinely good man.  Shifty Powers received two Bronze Stars and a CIB and fought in every campaign that Easy Company was in.  He was severely injured on his way home in a truck accident (the irony is that the men of Easy rigged the lottery to go home so Shifty would be first, but he ended up being one of the last to get home after an extensive hospitalization).

This email has gone viral about Shifty:

We’re hearing a lot today about big splashy memorial services.

I want a nationwide memorial service for Darrell "Shifty" Powers.

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry. If you’ve seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn’t know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle", the symbol of the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

Making conversation, I asked him if he’d been in the 101st Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the 101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and was in until sometime in 1945 . . . " at which point my heart skipped.

At that point, again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . . do you know where Normandy is?" At this point my heart stopped.

I told him yes, I know exactly where Normandy was, and I know what D-Day was. At that point he said "I also made a second jump into Holland, into Arnhem." I was standing with a genuine war hero . . . . and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of D-Day.

I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France, and he said "Yes. And it’s real sad because these days so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of them can’t make the trip." My heart was in my throat and I didn’t know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in Coach, while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I’d take his in coach.

He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are still some who remember what we did and still care is enough to make an old man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it. And mine are brimming up now as I write this.

Shifty died on June 17 after fighting cancer.

There was no parade.

No big event in Staples Center.

No wall to wall back to back 24×7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that’s not right.

Let’s give Shifty his own Memorial Service, online, in our own quiet way. Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.

Rest in peace, Shifty.

"A nation without heroes is nothing." – Roberto Clemente
Thank you,
Doug Corrigan
PC / Business Process & Systems Management
Toyota Motor Engineering & Manufacturing North America, Inc.
Phone: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Fax: xxx-xxx-xxxx
email: doug.corrigan@xxxxxxxxx

Authors Note on the topic of Darrell ‘Shifty’ Powers

I can not speak to whether or not the authenticity of the author is real yet, but the sentiment in the email is valid.  I have removed the authors phone and email addresses from this post, but did want to help increase the spread of this particular message.  We joke here at ViralGrapeVine about just about anything, and usually the wrong things at that. We have the luxury of doing that because veterans like Darrell helped secure our freedoms.  I am a veteran myself of the first Gulf War but my own story is of almost insignificant consequence compared to Darrell Powers with one small exception.

Just because a hero succeeds or survives or accomplishes something so great, it doesn’t mean the rest of us should stop trying.  I joined the service during the build up to the Persian Gulf War.  I was not drafted, did not need to join or anything like that.  I’m not a warmonger nor do I have many romantic notions about war or the military.  Members of my family have fought in almost every war that our country has been involved in since before the country was a country.  Yet, there was no family call for me to join, no wrong headed pursuit of family honor or anything.  In fact, many, possibly a majority of the veterans I spoke with in my family before I joined counseled me NOT to join the military.  I was dumb and lucky and things worked out fine for me. 

I also did not shy away from doing something (the dumb part) but I did it knowing the risks, knowing the potential consequences of my actions and more, some might equate that with courage.  My point is that even as I write this article on a site that is mostly egregiously poor satire, I do that to help protect the boundaries of my speech, trying to keep it free, and usually only just barely jogging myself out of writers block so that I may write somewhere else.

We can celebrate Darrell ‘Shifty’ Powers in a national memorial, but putting his statue up on a physical pedestal is not really what this is about.  So if you pass on this email, if you have passed it on already or if you do anything to help promote this effort, remember that your efforts will be largely wasted if you personally are not doing something, anything everyday to also protect our freedoms.  You can worship a hero all you like, but if you don’t make even small heroic steps yourself, then your worship of said hero is hollow & baseless. 

Anyone viewing this years collection of Victoria Secret designs will rapidly jump to the conclusion that the maker of ladies lingerie, swim suits and other optional clothing items has gone completely stupid-nuts.  The CEO last year complained that the designs had gotten ‘too sexy’ and this years line up appears to fix that by making runway models look ridiculous ugly and frumpy and well like something out of a soft porn version of Alice in Wonderland.

See for yourself

“OK, like, these costumes really suck ass Victoria.”

“Anyone seen my Chiquita banana headset?”

One stupid way to hide a nice rack

Some things are worse when wrapped in a bow.

I’m Fat Bastard’s wet dream gone wrong just to piss off Austin Powers.

I wanted to be a Victoria’s Secret model when I grew up.  I was so screwed in the head.

Could only look worse if she were on roller skates

Way too much fabric for lingerie

The Edelweiss meets Thors neighborhood tramp get up

Just throw any ole nasty panties together with faux fur

“This is why Ulysses Shrugged”

“This has to be a joke right?”

Hey Victoria, Ayn Rand and Austin Powers called, they say your looking pretty ugly baby.