Viral Gadgets Topics & Videos

Punxsutawney officials are scrambling to figure out if they can schedule a redo by tomorrow morning with their most famous rodent, Punxsutawney Phil, who was scared earlier today at sunrise on Gobblers Knob when Apple CEO, Steve Jobs scared the ground hog back into is hole by flashing a new Apple iPad and cursing about how evil Adobe and Google were before a crowd of over caffeinated spectators.

Mayor, James Wehrle, indicated this was not the first time that Jobs had tried to interfere in Phil’s prognostications of the season.  “Back in 1995, Jobs showed up dressed as Woody from Toy Story and many people felt that his shooting of a cap gun at sunrise went against the spirit of Ground Hog’s day.”  That’s putting it mildly considering the official letter that was sent from the Mayor’s office in 1996, dis-inviting Jobs from attending.

Fast forward 14 years, and many are now wondering if Jobs should be banned from the town altogether.

Punxsutawney Apple Store Manager, Geoffrey Randolph said, “Everyone knows that Phil (the ground hog) is a huge Apple fan boy.  It was just cruel to flash that ugly looking over sized iPod Touch in his face.”

‘Cruel’ is also the world that PETA activists are shouting as preparations to boycott Apple products are being organized around the country.  “Groundhogs have claws and can’t use Apple’s touch devices.  The interface is very unforgiving for clawed animals.  Enlarging the device just rubs it in, and that’s before you even consider the fact that the iPad can not play Flash.  Groundhogs are huge fans of Adobe Flash animation.” PETA Animal Observational Studies Scientist, Zuen Zieu indicated during a press conference just after noon on the east coast.  They like to play animated ground hog games.  They just can’t do that with a Apple iPhone nor an iPad.  “They fear they will be disenfranchised from the internet and relegated to a life of captivity and exploitation.”

In an effort to reduce costs at Viral Grape Vine we are only writing the headline for this article.  We ask that our readers kindly use their imagination to fill in the gaps of what will likely be a real story any day now. 

For the more daring readers, feel free to share your imaginative productions in our comments section below.

Barack Obama went to the exclusive Alfalfa Club to meet with Sarah Palin and other Washington Insiders this week.  As is traditional, he had to do a stand up routine before water could be served.  Here are some of his better one liners:

"I am seriously glad to be here tonight at the annual Alfalfa dinner. I know that many you are aware that this dinner began almost one hundred years ago as a way to celebrate the birthday of General Robert E. Lee. If he were here with us tonight, the general would be 202 years old. And very confused."

"Now, this hasn’t been reported yet, but it was actually Rahm’s idea to do the swearing-in ceremony again. Of course, for Rahm, every day is a swearing-in ceremony."

"But don’t believe what you read. Rahm Emanuel (Obama’s chief of staff) is a real sweetheart. "No, it’s true. Every week the guy takes a little time away to give back to the community. Just last week he was at a local school, teaching profanity to poor children."

"But these are the kind of negotiations you have to deal with as president. In just the first few weeks, I’ve had to engage in some of the toughest diplomacy of my life. And that was just to keep my BlackBerry.

"I finally agreed to limit the number of people who could e-mail me. It’s a very exclusive list. How exclusive? "Everyone look at the person sitting on your left. Now look at the person sitting on your right. None of you have my e-mail address.

Robert E. Lee would be ‘very confused,’ Obama jokes – The Oval: Tracking the Obama presidency

And now a note from our sponsors, the makers of the Apple iBoobs.

The makers of the iBoobs would like you to consider purchasing the iBoobs.  iBoobs are an Apple iPod player sewn into a woman’s bra.  This device is made for both men and women, but sound quality is optimal when a man or a woman places their nose in the cleavage between a woman’s breast that is wearing iBoobs.

The iBoob device is inspired by the technologies present in both the iPod with the rotating wheel and the new iTouch.  Regardless, iBoobs are definitely hands on.  To increase volume, simply rotate your index finger in a clockwise direction around the nipple of the right breast.  To lock the sound level, squeeze the nipple.

To scan for new songs on your iBoobs, rotate your index finger around the left nipple in a counter clockwise direction.  To select a song, squeeze the nipple and release.

The device comes in many different storage sizes and many different colors and artful skins.  Unfortunately the device is not backwards compatible with other Apple products at all, nor does it synchronize well with any known computers, but hell no one buys iBoobs those reasons anyway.  In fact, if you have any complaints about your iBoobs the technical support FAQ’s recommend that again , you place your nose in the woman’s cleavage and just relax.  Alternatively, if you are having volume control issues, lips and lightly applied teeth may help you achieve the deeply resonant sound you are looking for.

iBoobs by satrianto
Shop for a tee shirt on zazzle.com

iBoobs by OberlePhotoArt
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iTits by dioalice
Browse other Apple T-Shirts

The dear leader believes that a space race to the moon is a waste of the people’s capital.  He feels that the world and North Koreans will be much better served by bringing the Earth’s satellite down to Earth itself, where the Dear Leader will have teams of shock troops standing by to drive up a tall ramp to the top of  the moon and remove the American Flag from the lunar surface.

Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

The absolute genius of Apple has struck gold again with the MacBook Wheel which will virtually wipe out the need for people to ever again use their keyboards.  It looks absolutely beautiful, has a price tag of just over $2600 and a battery life just under 19 minutes.  But its the beauty of the thing that has fan boys lining up at Apple stores around the country, even though the MacBook wheel will not officially go on sale to the public until February 29th.  Most hardcore Apple consumers are slapping down $2600 now to get on the early ship waiting list.

Early shipment options will enable them to receive their MacBook Wheel 4 days after regular consumers will be able to receive theirs if they just wait until the units actually hit store shelves.  Plus, $1 for every MacBook Wheel sold will be donated to the Save the Children Fund to help starving children around the world get jobs in the service industry feeding aging baby boomers suffering from hormonal problems and abnormally dry vaginas.

Send this to Every Woman or Drug Addict You Know . . .

Last night, I received an email from a relative compelling me to forward the email to ‘every woman I know.’  The email describes how women can call a quick number to confirm that an unmarked cop car is a cop and not someone looking to abduct or kill the woman.  Few people realize that there are many other numbers for similar situations that are imperative to have handy in case of an emergency.

Here are some Other numbers that you SHOULD put on your speed dial.  The ViralGrapeVine Research Team has tested each and everyone of these numbers in every jurisdiction of the United States and just like the Verizon Wireless asshole, we are working to test it in many remote areas where signal strength is poor(If you are dumb enough to be on Verizon that is just about everywhere).

1. *111119  – Is My Drug Dealer a Cop?  You should dial this number to confirm whether or not your drug dealer is an under cover cop.  This is not a free service.  You must first join the International brotherhood or International sisterhood (depending on your sex, cross dressers need not bother as they have other ways to check on a drug dealers credentials).  Membership costs $25 and a blow job per year. No application is necessary. If you are willing to give a blow job a year to be a member, you obviously are a drug user.
2. *269 – Is My Prostitute a Cop?  WARNING!  This service no longer works.  This service was originally established by Heidi Fleiss, but after her most recent conviction authorities have seized the equipment and are using it to sting johns.  They are also using the phone records to target past offenders.  We severely apologize to our readers that relied on this service and are now in prison.  (Tip!  Please see the number *VICK below if you are now in prison)
3. *925 – Is My John a Cop?  A service established by Pimp Profiteers of America.  The PPOA has developed many programs targeted at reducing costs and increasing inventory turns on the street.  They have consistently found that having their hookers jailed is bad for business.  Any hooker can use this service for free.  Penalties for failure to use this service are heavy handed.
4. *99999 – Is My Pilot a Suicidal Terrorist? – This service works best if you snap a picture of your Pilot and send it as a MMS to *99999 Subject: Should I shit Myself Now?
5. 411 – Is My President an Idiot?  – This is a free service that can readily be answered correctly by any Operator.  (Note if you are reading this article after January 2009, the answer will still be the same.  The Operators do get new training and new scripts, but that does not change the fact that you have to be an idiot to be President.)
6. *VICK (8425)- Is My Cell Mate and Night Time Rapist infected with Hepatitis C or HIV?  This hotline was originally set up for Michael Vick, but has become so popular that hold times typically are longer than the actual prison rape itself.  The answer becomes a moot point.
7. *1000000000 – Is My Prospective Sugar Daddy Really Rich? – This number is run by Jack Forbes a very distant cousin to the Forbes empire.  He worked as an intern for Forbes during college and snagged a copy of their richest man database on his Apple IPod Nano.  (Warning!  We have now learned that this service is very reliable with the exception of anyone calling to verify Jack Forbes.)
8. *6Inches – Bigger than Six Inches? Whether or not you are thinking about going on a date, preparing to go on a date or just met someone at da club, you can call *6Inches (6-462437) and they can confirm whether or not your bedtime prospect is packing more than 6 inches.  This service is sponsored by Big Brother John Inc. a company that specializes in placing spy cams in da club urinals around the world.  They profess a 93% accuracy rate.  Their revolutionary software can analyze the flaccid length of a penis and make a determination as to how long said penis will be when aroused.  Their team of scientists are still trying to get the kinks out of their girth measurement system.
9. *456789 – Did anyone see that?  This service is available for anyone that finds themselves in a situation where they need to make the call on whether to cover up and lie or confess immediately.   Dial 456789 state your name, social security number, the time, date, place, and any victims that might be unable to communicate, and you will receive information enabling this service to tell you if anyone saw you commit a potential criminal act within the last 10 minutes.  If your phone is GPS enabled, you can also use their interactive service if you are on Verizon.  They do record all calls and information so that they can improve their customer service, support, and accuracy.  This project is very well funded (Google is rumored to be the backer).  It is likely that the servers and records for this service will be one of the first servers to be shipped to the dark side of the moon outside of the jurisdiction of any terrestrial government.  Many people think that this service was originally created to serve Google founders who are very big freaks according to our researchers.
10. *4232 (HAFA) – Did I just Spot a Dead Celebrity?  Send a picture message of a potential dead celebrity to 4232 and their facial recognition program can determine if you saw the real McCoy or a look alike.  They have proven confirmations of Lincoln, Elvis, Jimmi Hendrix.  This service was originally set up by The HAFA family working on a no bid contract for the Department of Homeland Defense in New York and was expanded after a potential terrorist submission turned out to be Janis Joplin.  Cost – Each call or submission will result in a $1 charge to your wireless bill.  90% of that money will be squirreled away somewhere and the rest will go to administrative costs.

The Original Email with the number *77 to confirm a cop

> It was about 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren’s parents have always told her never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.
>
> Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called *77 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren’t, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way.
>
> Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
>
> I never knew about the *77 Cell Phone feature, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going to a safe & quiet place. You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on your hazard lights) or call *77 like Lauren did.
>
> Too bad the cell phone companies don’t generally give you this little bit of wonderful information. Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that *77 was a direct link to state trooper info. So, now it’s your turn to let your friends know about *77.
>
> Send this to every woman (and person) you know. It may save a life. This applies to all 50 states.

I have no idea if that number really works nationwide or anywhere for that matter.  If you are in the US, I’d suggest just dialing 911 if you are really worried about it.

You can verify the email above is legitimate because it still has the annoying forwarding symbols.

Finally, the ViralGrapeVine investigative team have deemed that the following Articles with similar titles to our own are out right frauds and should not be trusted.

1. http://www.marcandangel.com/2008/02/13/10-handy-numbers-to-save-in-your-mobile-phone/
2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/_70214.html
3. http://www.bestlifeonline.com/cms/publish/best-success/10_Numbers_Every_Man_Should_Have_on_Speed_Dial.shtml

Our crack research team, or is it our research team on crack?  Anyway these assholes we pay in drugs, confirmed these fraudulent stories by doing a Google Search on the keywords “10 numbers you must have on speed dial”  These stories did not appear in the number one slot on Google and therefore are not to be trusted as Google is the one and only true god.  Furthermore, our fine editorial staff confirmed that these articles were full of lies, lies and damned lies by simply taking the word of our research team prior to passing out during a binge drinking episode, which is probably not to different to the methodology used by the authors and editors of these same three articles.

If you agree that Google is the one and only true god, please consider linking to our story with the keywords “10 numbers you must have on speed dial”, Otherwise may Google have mercy on your soul….

Code for linking to 10 Numbers You Must have on Speed Dial

<a href="http://www.viralgrapevine.com/10-numbers-you-must-have-on-speed-dial-or-else/"
title="Get these Numbers to Buy Drugs and sleep with hookers or cell mates safely, I did!"
>10 numbers you must have on speed dial</a>