viral jokes Topics & Videos

The pregnant turkey joke has been floating around the internet for close to 15 years now even though experts claim it dates back to 2000 because most internet experts were still in grade school in the 1990’s and sufficient records from that ancient time were not maintained.

Thanksgiving Prank First Played on the Pilgrims

Before that it had been a viral joke passed from person to person on xeroxed sheets of paper. The actual turkey joke dates back to the 1600’s when Native American tribes in the North East United States and Canada successfully, but temporarily convinced settlers that the turkey could both lay eggs and give live birth. That initial attempt to take measure of the pilgrims sense of humor, failed. It ultimately spurred the anti-abortion movement, triggered a national holiday we now call Thanksgiving, and torpedoed Benjamin Franklin’s attempts to have the Turkey named as the National Bird of the United States instead of the Eagle, who would never consider an abortion.

Here is the recent incarnation of the Pregnant Turkey that has circumnavigated the globe many times over

Pregnant Turkey Joke

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and e-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep………………SHE’S BLONDE!

Well today the pregnant turkey prank has taken on a new life as family after family recreates the joke and shares it on YouTube. You can see in the videos below that Americans are still very very gullible when it comes to talking turkey, biology, and having their buttons pushed by family and friends.

Pregnant Turkey Prank Videos

Then there are those that decide to permanently scare their children for the rest of their lives.

Some people might guess that the fix is in when their family members start falling over with laughter before the punch line hits

Now as we go venture forward corporate hollywood types are even cooking up more ridiculous ways to stuff a turkey (insert cornish hen here)

Then again sometimes the professional turkey video shooters do wrestle up a pretty funny video

Some Turkey Jokes However just stink

Here’s a nice viral email making the rounds disguised as the ‘Polite Way to Pee’ on a date.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said, “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying, “That would be rude and impolite.

“What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.  I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.”

“And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

“I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?  I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’”

The teacher fainted..

Barack Obama went to the exclusive Alfalfa Club to meet with Sarah Palin and other Washington Insiders this week.  As is traditional, he had to do a stand up routine before water could be served.  Here are some of his better one liners:

"I am seriously glad to be here tonight at the annual Alfalfa dinner. I know that many you are aware that this dinner began almost one hundred years ago as a way to celebrate the birthday of General Robert E. Lee. If he were here with us tonight, the general would be 202 years old. And very confused."

"Now, this hasn’t been reported yet, but it was actually Rahm’s idea to do the swearing-in ceremony again. Of course, for Rahm, every day is a swearing-in ceremony."

"But don’t believe what you read. Rahm Emanuel (Obama’s chief of staff) is a real sweetheart. "No, it’s true. Every week the guy takes a little time away to give back to the community. Just last week he was at a local school, teaching profanity to poor children."

"But these are the kind of negotiations you have to deal with as president. In just the first few weeks, I’ve had to engage in some of the toughest diplomacy of my life. And that was just to keep my BlackBerry.

"I finally agreed to limit the number of people who could e-mail me. It’s a very exclusive list. How exclusive? "Everyone look at the person sitting on your left. Now look at the person sitting on your right. None of you have my e-mail address.

Robert E. Lee would be ‘very confused,’ Obama jokes – The Oval: Tracking the Obama presidency

Two women are being sought for their actions to against men in Home Depot parking lots in a trail that is leading men across the country from Home Depot to Home Depot in search of these women.  (Investigators are looking for them too.)

Their names are unknown, but the composite image below was put together after numerous victims perused a the Shirley of Hollywood lingerie collection online.  The models below are not the women in question, but they are dressed in a similar fashion and happen to have the same colored hair as the women in question.

Here is one victims account of his own suffering and his recommendation to others to help them as well.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen
to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to
look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th, 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.

Here’s a viral email that explains the phenomena that entices friends to send other friends viral email.

Its all God’s Fault!

In this episode, Kenny overdoses on Brittany Spears’ weight loss pills after mistaking them for Viagra. 

Apparently we have to engage in this email networking of viral jokes if we ever stand a chance of making it into heaven as the following joking parable illustrates.

This  explains why I forward jokes MOST OF THE  TIME.

A  man and his dog were walking along a road The man was enjoying the scenery, when  it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He  remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.  He wondered where the road was leading them After  a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It  looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch  that glowed in the sunlight.
When  he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like  mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He  and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk  to one side.
When  he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This  is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow!  Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
‘Of  course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’
The  man gestured, and the gate began to open.

‘Can  my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m  sorry, sir, but we don’t accept
pets.’

The  man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way  he had been going with his dog.

After  another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road  leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There  was no fence.
As  he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading  a book.

‘Excuse  me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah,  sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How  about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There  should be a bowl by the pump.’
They  went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump  with a bowl beside it.

The  traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some  to the dog.

When  they were full, he and the dog
walked  back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

‘What  do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well,  that’s confusing,’ the traveler said.
‘The man down the road said
that was  Heaven, too.’

‘Oh,  you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’

“Doesn’t  it make you mad for them to use your name like that,the man  said?”

‘No,  we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best  friends behind.’
Soooo
Sometimes,  we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a  word.
Maybe this will explain.
When  you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You  forward jokes.
When  you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When  you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward  jokes.
Also  to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are  still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.
So,  next time if you get a joke, don’t think that you’ve been sent just another  forwarded joke, but that you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the  other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

Here is a viral email that in one way points out the ability of people to leap to conclusions of racism.  I suspect the joke is intended to signify that racism doesn’t exist as much as many people believe it does.  However, I think what it may unintentionally point out is that real racism is often lost in the cloud of falsely perceived racism. 

Might be too deep for me this morning, but the joke is pretty good.  

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked  men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black weenies, but the one in the middle had a pink weenie.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.  He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted  the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink weenie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

Negative of Three naked coal miners used to illustrate a bad joke before the artist was sent away for Orovo detox.

After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the couple.

“Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Kentucky coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.

Telemarketer thinks to himself, “Rats! and I had the perfect pitch to hook this guy. All I needed was my foot in the door with a ‘Hello’ so that I could launch into my pitch about Time Share Condo Magazine Subscription Life Insurance Policies for Allergy Sufferers that spend too much money on the Home Shopping Networks. Oh, well time to pop another Blueair pill and smile and dial some more . . . .”

Pfizer Announcement

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. 

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like.

Dick replies, “I’d like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.”

“And what can I get for you, Mr. President?” she asks GW.

George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, “How about a quickie this morning?”

“Why, Mr. President!” the waitress exclaims, “how rude! You’re starting to act like President Clinton.” and the waitress storms away.

Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers….

“It’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

Maybe its the Hollywood writers fault, but I have this overall sense that the quality (humor level) of YouTube videos lately has been rather crappy, and I think this is directly correlated to the number of   Free Ringtones that my wife is downloading on her phone. 

I have no bases for this odd correlation, but it just seems that the simple pleasures of watching a quick funny video seem to stem off the need for silly ringtones that will only be set for a few rings before they get overly annoying.

Alternatively, maytbe I’m just getting old (will turn 28 next fall so I’m well on my way to thirty and required to grow up sometime soon leaving my Hip Hop Ringtone lifestyle behind wherever it is that I lost it last week.

Maybe as I get older I’ll have to switch to Rock Ringtones and then eventually soul or country/western ringtones.  Bleh!