Viral Grape Vine

Two women are being sought for their actions to against men in Home Depot parking lots in a trail that is leading men across the country from Home Depot to Home Depot in search of these women.  (Investigators are looking for them too.)

Their names are unknown, but the composite image below was put together after numerous victims perused a the Shirley of Hollywood lingerie collection online.  The models below are not the women in question, but they are dressed in a similar fashion and happen to have the same colored hair as the women in question.

Here is one victims account of his own suffering and his recommendation to others to help them as well.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen
to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.

They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to
look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen May 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th, 29th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.

Here’s a viral email that explains the phenomena that entices friends to send other friends viral email.

Its all God’s Fault!

In this episode, Kenny overdoses on Brittany Spears’ weight loss pills after mistaking them for Viagra. 

Apparently we have to engage in this email networking of viral jokes if we ever stand a chance of making it into heaven as the following joking parable illustrates.

This  explains why I forward jokes MOST OF THE  TIME.

A  man and his dog were walking along a road The man was enjoying the scenery, when  it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He  remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.  He wondered where the road was leading them After  a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It  looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch  that glowed in the sunlight.
When  he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like  mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He  and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk  to one side.
When  he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This  is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow!  Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
‘Of  course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’
The  man gestured, and the gate began to open.

‘Can  my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m  sorry, sir, but we don’t accept
pets.’

The  man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way  he had been going with his dog.

After  another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road  leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There  was no fence.
As  he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading  a book.

‘Excuse  me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah,  sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How  about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There  should be a bowl by the pump.’
They  went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump  with a bowl beside it.

The  traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some  to the dog.

When  they were full, he and the dog
walked  back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

‘What  do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well,  that’s confusing,’ the traveler said.
‘The man down the road said
that was  Heaven, too.’

‘Oh,  you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’

“Doesn’t  it make you mad for them to use your name like that,the man  said?”

‘No,  we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best  friends behind.’
Soooo
Sometimes,  we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a  word.
Maybe this will explain.
When  you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You  forward jokes.
When  you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When  you have something to say, but don’t know what, and don’t know how, you forward  jokes.
Also  to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are  still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.
So,  next time if you get a joke, don’t think that you’ve been sent just another  forwarded joke, but that you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the  other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

Here is a viral email that in one way points out the ability of people to leap to conclusions of racism.  I suspect the joke is intended to signify that racism doesn’t exist as much as many people believe it does.  However, I think what it may unintentionally point out is that real racism is often lost in the cloud of falsely perceived racism. 

Might be too deep for me this morning, but the joke is pretty good.  

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery was staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked  men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black weenies, but the one in the middle had a pink weenie.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.  He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted  the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink weenie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

Negative of Three naked coal miners used to illustrate a bad joke before the artist was sent away for Orovo detox.

After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the couple.

“Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Kentucky coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.

Telemarketer thinks to himself, “Rats! and I had the perfect pitch to hook this guy. All I needed was my foot in the door with a ‘Hello’ so that I could launch into my pitch about Time Share Condo Magazine Subscription Life Insurance Policies for Allergy Sufferers that spend too much money on the Home Shopping Networks. Oh, well time to pop another Blueair pill and smile and dial some more . . . .”

Pfizer Announcement

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ’stiff drink’.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. 

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like.

Dick replies, “I’d like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.”

“And what can I get for you, Mr. President?” she asks GW.

George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, “How about a quickie this morning?”

“Why, Mr. President!” the waitress exclaims, “how rude! You’re starting to act like President Clinton.” and the waitress storms away.

Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers….

“It’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”