Now here’s a motivational poster you can sink your teeth into.

There are winners and then there are winners and we definitely have more than our fair share of winners in my neck of the woods. Its been sometime since I wrote about a Darwin Award Nominee being submitted from amongst the local population here in North Carolina.

This time the entrant however was rejected outright by the Darwin Award Acceptance Committee. That notorious red tape driven group of old fuddy duddies have a terrible reputation for requiring people to submit their application in quadruplicate three times before they actually commit the act that would possibly qualify them to win a Darwin Award. As many people do not have the foresight to do this, their opportunity to win an actual Darwin Award is severely hampered.

Then there are cases such as the man that blasted himself into the side of a mountain when he attached a rocket to the back of his el camino. He had actually completed the Darwin Award Application in quadruplicate three times, but he was not able to PROVE that he had done this as his fax confirmation was in the glove box of hi el camino and is now stuck together in between his water pump and brake lights within a 2 inch section of rock on the side of the mountain where his own remains reside.

So it is little wonder that Tammy Whitaker of North Carolina was rejected out right as a Darwin Award Nominee. Tammy had been walking to a ‘home’ late one night. She became a little sleepy and decided to take a cat nap on the path that she was following. She was quite intoxicated according to local reports and did not notice that her resting place on the trail she followed was a little rocky and interlaced with large flat wooden posts that were perpendicular and underneath two parallel steel tracks which everyday people refer to as ‘train tracks’.

She took her nap between the train tracks and was soon after very rudely awakened by a very large freight train.

Now freight trains can typically wake your average person up from a great distance by shaking the very earth that you walk on, not to mention your house, your bed and you sleeping happily in your bed. But Tammy was not your ordinary sleeper.

Tammy was a drunken sleeper extraordinaire and the gentle rumbling of a freight train on the very tracks that she was sleeping between was not enough to wake her from a mile away, not a half mile away not 100 meters away. In fact she did not really wake up until the freight train very rudely was right on top of her, literally!

Unfortunately for Tammy, the train did not provide the qualifying kill required for a true Darwin Award Nomination. Instead the whimpy little train that could not simply broke her arm and beat her up ‘purdy good’.

Many people are not aware of the clause in the competition that disqualifies survivors of acts intended to remove them from the human gene pool, but Tammy was the victim of that clause. The clause was in fact instituted after the real life escapades of vindictive weather man Bill Hoolihan, the person that the movie ground hogs day was modeled after. Bill like Tammy repeatedly survived a number of drunken escapades that prevented his removal from the human gene pool and despite his amazing attempts to help all of us, he just couldn’t close the deal.

He lives to this day at the ripe old age of 96 with 9 children, and 89 grand children and a new bride of 24, expecting yet another child. He gave up on his life long dream of becoming a Darwin Award Winner after his last stunt left him confined to bed, but there might still be hope for Tammy. All she needs is a couple bottles of nighty night train and maybe a larger belly to prop her up with a higher profile between the tracks.

http://viralgrapevine.com/

Past Darwin Award Related Articles:
http://www.viralgrapevine.com/…qualifier/

http://www.viralgrapevine.com/…qualified/

http://www.viralgrapevine.com/…qualifier/

When I hear the qualification argument, I smile and think… "give me a break".

A Columbia/Harvard (Law review) graduate who taught constitutional law along the way vs. 4th from the bottom of his class at Annapolis left his crippled first wife for a rich young one who had the money to support his ambitions…. and because of his age, I have to talk about Sarah. 5 "colleges" to get a 4 year degree from Idaho State? Note: There were several community colleges along the way to her opportunity to be a 72 year old heartbeat from the presidency.

Give me a break

Following Barack Obama’s Presidential Election acceptance speech in Ohio today, which dove tailed three days after the leak of Barack Obama’s inaugural speech Friday evening, John McCain conceded that if by some twisted miracle he, John McCain, actually won the election, that he would ask Barack Obama to serve as the first Secretary of Speeches, a new cabinet level position.

"He just speaks to good and in this time of economic down turn and uncertainty, we need a speech giver that can bring people together." McCain stated on the stump in Virginia. "Even I can see that Obama is a great speech giver and I’ll gladly step across the aisle to ask for his help."

Barack Obama was quoted by a squadron of press analysts when he stated, "[chuckle with big grin from ear to ear which is a pretty damned big grin]I respect John’s service, and that is why when I’m elected President next Monday (Freudian slip) I will ask John to serve as my Secretary of Maverickism. If he decides to decline, I will extend the same offer to Governor Sarah Palin. I don’t think any administration can survive the next four years with out getting mavericked up to the gills."

When asked about other cabinet positions he might choose to create he was later pinned down when Michelle Obama gave a noticeably loud reverberant throat clearing noise, after which Barack said, "Oh yeah, and I will also be naming Hillary Clinton as my new Secretary of Intern Affairs. Michelle and I feel that only Hillary Clinton can see our country through the troubled waters ahead of screening, hiring, managing and corralling White House interns."

This is pretty amazing. The media raves about Sarah Palin’s communications skills out of one side of their mouth and trounce her about her intelligence out of the other side of her mouth.

That said, no matter who you are you have to admit she’s got mad skillz on a bicycle!

A friend emailed me this today. Titled "Treasury Department put out a new dollar bill this morning".

I was just reading this article about a guy in South Carolina that was pulled over for DUI. He fails the sobriety test, is taken back to the station where he allegedly moves closer to a police officer and passes gas.

He’s then booked for assaulting a police officer.

Now, I’m now criminal defense attorney, but I’m pretty sure that this would be the perfect situation to plead the 5th…

original article
http://www.foxnews.com/…65,00.html