Make Up: $40

Hair Stylist: $75

Body Waxing: $110

Custom Tattoo: $150

Sexy Designer Outfit: $225

Collagen Lip Enhancement: $400

Boob Job: $6,000

Forgetting To Tuck In Your Nuts…Priceless

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. The break in of the car was not initially discovered.  The woman had been sitting in the stadium at the game hoping for her son to get a chance to play. 

The son was second string on special teams.  Many bystanders sitting around the woman claimed that she started acting peculiar towards the end of the 1st quarter.  She started shouting and moaning which was not unusual at a football game, but then she started using the lords name in vain and inserting both blasphemies and expletives. 

Just as a parent was making her way to notify security of the woman’s inappropriate behavior, the woman fell backwards in the stands at first shrieking and moaning and then clutching at her chest.

She was rushed to a local hospital where she was treated for a heart attack.  She was a well known distance runner in the area and had arranged many 5k and 10k events.  She had never been know to have either a heart problem nor issues with her public behavior. 

Her teenaged son rode in the ambulance to the hospital with her.  He phoned his father, her husband, by cell phone and the father met them at the hospital just a few minutes after they arrived.  The father had worked late and had just left for the game, hoping to catch the second half.

Doctors were able to revive her and kept her over night under a strong sedative. 

It wasn’t until the next morning that the father returned home with the son to clean up and get a few things from home.  Upon arriving at home they were shocked to find that their house had been ransacked and a great deal of their valuables had been stolen. 

Investigators were later able to determine many of the events that had happened the night before that led both to the burglary and the woman’s heart attack.  She had parked her Prius on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included 2 garage door remote controls, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.

The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then attempted to use the garage door opener to enter the garage.  However, when they pushed the first button, the door did not open, but they could hear a woman moaning through a speaker on the back of the garage door opener.  They pushed the other button on the garage door opener and the woman’s moans turned to shrieks. 

Apparently, this surprise result did not deter the thieves from their business.  They then used the other garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. They even brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.  The truck left large tire tracks near the edge of the drive way curb.

Apparently the crooks continued to press the first garage door opener over and over again during the robbery.  It was suspected and later confirmed when one of the crooks was caught and questioned, that they had pressed the remote at first out of curiosity and maybe humor thinking the device was just a type of prank device that made lude noises.  However, they eventually realized that they could also hear the cheers and loud speaker of a football game going on in the background.  They then found the flat panel HD TV in the bedroom.  They pressed play and were treated to a intimate video created by the couple, who apparently utilized remote control sexual stimulation systems with built in auditory feedback. 

Once the crooks learned this, they each took turns pressing and playing with the device while their fellow criminals finished loading up the truck.  They figured that as long as they could keep the woman ‘occupied’ she would not be able to call the authorities or her husband and learn that he had not been the one to arouse her at the game.

When they heard the woman shriek her last scream, they at first gave each other high fives, but when they heard the voices of the crowd calling for an ambulance and a doctor, they panicked and left the home abruptly.

Police were able to track down the crooks using a GPS device located in a box mixed in with the stolen loot.  The husband’s own vibrator was an even fancier model that literally enabled his wife to track his location via GPS while she was able to manipulate him sexually from a distance. 

Police used this GPS to track down the criminals and capture several of the crooks at an undisclosed warehouse.  The crooks were charged not only with burglary, grand larceny, breaking and entering but also assault and kidnapping.  Prosecutors tried to make the case that by keeping the woman under constant stimulation they had held her hostage, while they stole the families possessions.

Post Script I received this in the form of a viral email and have not yet been able to confirm its accuracy, but you can bet your sweet ass that I’m not going to be wired up the next time I go to a football game!

Anyone with half a brain could see this latest bailout request coming from a mile away.  The Porn industry is seeking a $5 billion bailout from taxpayers.  The owners of Hustler and the Girls Gone Wild franchise are jointly asking for the bailout and will likely be called to Capital Hill sometime very soon to testify.

Many people in the porn industry think a bailout could hurt the porn industry.  People at the heart of the industry are dismissive of claims that if the US government took an ownership stake in Hustler, that it might degrade the quality of the magazine.  They claim most members of Congress are some of their biggest customers and hardest advocates behind closed doors, and airport stalls.  They do admit that government intervention might ‘gay things up’ a bit, according to Robert Jasmine Grenwich a communications manager for Hustler that was never actually hired by the company.

“I’ve worked as a Senate page and almost had an interview at Hustler.  I happen to know for a fact that if Congress puts their mitts down the pants of the porn industry that things will focus more on the boys than the girls.” said Grenwich on his blog TheMetroSexualPage.com.

Most Americans are flacid on the topic.  They recognize the need for porn, but point out that porn is more of a victim from ‘free porn’.  They think that porn has been drilled less by the recession than by changes in the business overall.

Hillary Clinton, who is expected to make a surprise guest visit at the AVN awards in Las Vegas this week, might actually weigh in on the side of Girls Gone Wild, but split her support away from Hustler magazine, whom she had a falling out with last fall after a dispute that arose during a Pay to Play campaign debt reduction offer.  Rumors have it that she played, but never received her pay.  Others think that the payment may have been hijacked by some Riyad donors in China that were trying to recoup their own contributions to Bill Clinton.  Bill is widely expected to support the bailout as well.  Many people think he might even take on an oversite role in a new government agency that may be created called the Sex Exchange Un Commission SeUC, pronounced SUCK.

For more information that has been tainted by reporter types see Porn industry seeks federal bailout « – Blogs from CNN.com

Teenagers who take anti-virginity pledges are more sexually active than other teens, according to a new study.

But the results, published in the journal Pediatric Sex, suggest that anti-virginity pledgers are more likely to protect themselves against pregnancy or disease when they do have sex.

Researchers say the findings suggest that anti-virginity pledges may not significantly affect teenagers’ sexual behavior. Instead, they may increase the likelihood of teenagers taking precautions, such as using a condom or using birth control, when they do have sex.

Anti-Virginity Pledge May Lead to Safe Sex

Researchers say the federal government spends about $800 million annually on anti-abstinence promotion programs plus several million dollars for the Congressional Page program, which all include anti-virginity pledges. Two previous studies have suggested that anti-virginity pledges can speed up initial sexual encounters, especially for females.  However, researchers say those studies did not account for pre-existing differences between pledgers and non-pledgers.

In this study, researchers compared the sexual behavior of 289,000 teenagers who reported taking an anti-virginity pledge from 1966-1996 in a national survey to 645 non-pledgers who were matched on more than 100 factors, such as religious beliefs and attitudes toward sex and birth control.

The results showed that five years after taking the virginity pledge:

• 82% of pledgers rejoiced at having taken the pledge.
• Pledgers and matched non-pledgers did differ in rates of premarital sex, sexually transmitted disease, and oral and anal sex behaviors.
• Pledgers had 10 times more sexual partners in the past year but did not differ from non-pledgers in the number of lifetime sexual partners and the age of first sex.
• Pledgers were also more likely to enjoy healthy sexual relationships with spouses, experience a lower overall divorce rate, and were 90% less likely to be caught in a Republican sex scandal with or without a Congress person.

The biggest difference between the two groups came in the area of condom and birth control use. The study showed that more pledgers used birth control or condoms in the past year or any form of birth control the last time they had sex.

Researcher Jeremiah Moses Ruthenstein, PHD, of Yale University, says the findings suggest that health care providers should provide birth control information to all teenagers, and that conducting this study was the easiest grant money he had ever earned.  He also indicated that he could have completed the study in 1967, 68,69,70,71,72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91,92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 2000, 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, and 2007 if he had not been ‘Diddling around’ so much.  It should be noted that Ruthenstein was hospitalized in 2008 for a strained mangina and was unable to move from the waist down through out the entire year.

For other articles that are really stupid, see – Virginity Pledge Doesn’t Stop Teen Sex

BEIJING (Reuters) – A young woman in southern China has partially lost her hearing after her boyfriend ruptured her eardrum during an excessively passionate kiss, local media reported Monday.

The 20-something girl from Zhuhai, in southern Guangdong province, went to hospital completely deaf in her left ear, the China Daily said, citing a report in a local newspaper.

"The kiss reduced pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear," the paper quoted a doctor surnamed Li from the hospital as saying.

The woman’s hearing would likely return to normal after about two months, Li said.

"While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution," the paper said.

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE4B75EO20081208

As troubling as that new story is, its only half as troubling as the serial nature of this incident.  The same man has harmed other girl friends accidentally. 

He once accidentally bruised a girlfriends lungs while squeezing in the side during a tickle fight.  The same girl also complained to her doctor that his atypically rough facial hair scarred her cheek when they were snuggling.  But even more troubling was his former fiance who is still in a coma today after suffering brain damage from a lack of oxygen when he farted under the sheets and held her head under the sheets and blankets forcing her to smell his fart.  The man is a former Shaolin Monk that removed himself from studies in order to attend university where he is majoring in females studies.