Christmas has come early for California Males as a new study indicates that Marijuana can essentially be used as a means of birth control.  Like the pill, using marijuana to decrease the effectiveness of sperm is not fool proof but most marijuana users that have been polled recently didn’t care and thought it was ‘cool’. 

‘So what if my sperm can’t get my girlfriend pregnant. Dude, this is the best news I’ve heard since medical marijuana was legalized in the first place!’ Zed Farley of Los Angeles.

The correlation between marijuana and male infertility was initially seen as a negative.  Within 24 hours of the reports of the sperm propulsion study at the University of California, doctors office up and down the state were deluged with patients seeking justification to use medical marijuana for birth control.

Summary of the Science Behind Marijuana as Birth Control

According to a research team at the University of California, San Francisco, sperm needs to relax before being deployed. This means they have to cease wagging their tails (flagella) in order to avoid fatigue, thus significantly decreasing their chances of finding an egg.

Scientists report that the activity of the sperm is based upon their acidic level, but researchers from the University found the passage that enables the sperm to release microscopic particles.

Once the tiny cells are in the female reproductive tract, the proton shedding converts their internal atmosphere from a pH (acidic) reading to an alkaline environment, and they begin their race to the egg, according to the experts.

Read more: Marijuana May Be Tied to Male Infertility – All Headline News

Medical practitioners were quick to point out that smoking marijuana will not decrease the transmission of sexually transmitted disease.  However, they do not refute the fact that if a person does contract a sexually transmitted diseases and subsequently become depressed, marijuana may help after the fact.

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This year the Kentucky Derby will feature riderless Horse racing. For years activists have demonstrated concerns about the treatment of repressed small sized male humans used as jockeys in horse racing. These degraded humans often go for days with out eating, are locked in metal boxes as children to stunt their growth, and are forced to worship emblems of Mickey Rooney.

While the Kentucky Derby will not do away with jockeys all together in 2010, they are making a move in that direction, requiring that 25% of all racing entries must be riderless. This increases the odds significantly for the newer breeds of Quarter Horses designed for sprinting to dominate. Newer quarter horses are actually cross breeds between the American Quarter Horse and the Ostrich. It took decades to breed the feathers out and soften the noses, but breeders are confident that this new breed will be much faster as they can reach speeds of close to 40mph sustained in a wind even running through a smokey Kentucky tobacco barn.

The Greater Ozarks Chamber of Commerce has banned the use of this stress reduction technique by members following an increase in local floaters which also happens to correlate to a happier population of survivors.

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile…

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work… Now isn’t that better?

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him.  He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either."

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