As a break away and extremely dangerous respiratory virus claims the lives of 1 to 10 people in the US from the East Coast to Texas to Oregon, CDC Experts are worried that the press is inaccurately portraying their concerns.  Multiple reports by different members of the press portray the CDC as worried or not worried and this worries the CDC.

“How are we supposed to feel, when the press bobbles are feelings so ineptly?  If I’m worried about a virus, I want the world to know.  If I am not worried about a virus, the world better know about that too!” said Dr. L. Ron H. Anderson.

Google news recently ran over 400 articles on a mutant respiratory virus that has recently surged.  The virus discovered in Netherlands Military recruits sourced from a notorious red light district sheep farm in the mid 50′s is now killing people across the US.  Some of the articles indicated that CDC officials were either worried or not worried about this virus.

How are Americans Supposed to Feel When CDC Officials Appear to Have Bi-Polar Disorder?

Editorial

Now its obvious to consumers of the media that the fine news professionals of the world are always right and always accurate.  The problem here is that these damn CDC officials have bipolar disorder and are apparently suffering from mood swings from one interview to the next.

The people that safe guard the United States from infectious disease and work to come up with vaccines to fight them need to get their mental house in order.  Get to a shrink, get on the couch, get some meds in your system to curb out those feelings.

Come on you smart bastards, get your act together and sit down in a room together. 

Then get on the horn with the next reporter and let the rest of us know whether or not we should be scared shitless or not!

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