Dogs around the United States thought they were getting their revenge on Michael Vick after pet loving owners swarmed to the stores to purchase Michael Vick Chew Toys.  Unfortunately, previously undisclosed documents in the Mattel Toy recall have just been made public and it appears that the same manufacturer that produced toys for Mattel with lead based paint also produced the Michael Vick chew toy.

It is expected that this recall will impact 15 million dogs and 10 million dog owners.

A state run laboratory in Belarus confirmed yesterday that their lab tests had confirmed that the popular Michael Vick chew tows were dipped in lead covered paint.  The head of Belarussian Product Safety declined to provide copies of the laboratory results when pressed by  . . . the press, stating, “My dog ate my lab results.”

Belarus has led the world in product recalls over the years since gaining independence from the Soviet Union and rapidly giving up their personal freedom in an attempt to revert back to the glory days of Stalinistic rule under the motto, “We only regret that we have a limited number of citizens to persecute and sacrifice.”

More Bad News for Dogs

The real problem with the Michael Vick chew toy is that when dogs rip the Vick figure to shreds, those shreds may flake lead paint, which can cause the dogs to get very sick.

One dog speaking on conditions of anonymity shortly before passing away made the following death doggy bed statement,

That son of a bitch!  I wanted to chew on his ass because he killed one of my cousins 9 times removed and now I find out that some evil Chinese corporation has poisoned me.  This karma stuff really really sucks.

Even worse, I’m dying now and I learned just a few minutes ago that I’m supposed to come back in my next life as a jihadist camel in Iraq.  I’ll probably last about 3 years there.  All of this for killing a couple million people in SouthEast Asia when I lived as Poll Pot.

Well at least I got to lick my own balls a couple times this time around.  I’ve been one form of mosquito killed by car windshields for my last 48 incarnations.