The consumer products division has been working very hard this year with a reduced staff and even smaller budget.  When their budget was cut again in October, the head of the consumer product division did not mind at all.

“Many people think we need a big fat budget to go audit manufacturing plants in China to insure that our children are not being poisoned by led paint in baby bottle nipples.  But that’s just stupid.  Those babies will have decades to be poisoned by Chinese products.  Why rush it?” claimed Nancy Nord Head of the CPSC and soon to be private citizen.

Apparently, not worrying about lead in Chinese products didn’t mean that the CPSC wasn’t concerned for the health of Americans.

Today they issued a recall on a popular craft product made by a deranged blogger and wife duo (see Old world craftsmanship it ain’t! ) in Florida.  The product is a Ballpark Penis Bracelet.  It features a glazed beaded bracelet with one of the beads formed in the fashion of a glazed penis.

Glazed penis may be all the fashion in Beverly Hills this year and even more so on the Red Carpet for many award shows.  Its even believed that People’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2007, Matt Damon has succumbed to the fad and had his own penis glazed and baked in a clay oven. 

This glazing and baking process, much like a very cold swimming pool, shrinks the penis down to the size of a craft bead.  It can then be drilled and threaded onto a bracelet with beads that are in the same ballpark size.

“Beading your shrunken glazed and baked penis onto a bracelet would have been just fine by our standards,” stated Nord on Larry King Live Friday night, “the problem is that many people are wearing these bracelets while they drink.  After they have had a few too many, they are much more likely to zip their shrunken, glazed and baked penis in their zipper.”

Emergency rooms all across the southeast and in California are reporting an alarming increase in the number of patients that need their glazed and baked testicles or penis removed from their zippers.  Its apparently this excessive penis zipping that triggered complaints to the CPSC and the pre-emptive recall this week.

Its expected that more than 3.2 million shrunken, glazed and baked penises will be returned, even though Mr. Fab and his wife Mrs. Fab only produced 3 themselves.