In this modern age, where there is a Jackass on every corner and more importantly on every reality TV show, it is getting much more difficult for good nominees to be identified for Darwin awards.  Reality TV has made crazy stunts too safe.  People are much more likely to survive the crazy stunts that they engage in and that has many people worried that people will not learn the lessons needed in order for the human species to evolve.

“When these dipshits survive stunts like getting bitten in the ass by a shark or shooting the lug nuts off of a car, it decreases the quality of the human gene pool.” Pope Benedict claimed as he stopped to speak briefly before heading out to tour Ground Zero.

Pope Benedict has been a long time outspoken critic of impurities in the gene pool.  Some claim that his outspoken beliefs date back to his days as a Hitler Youth.  Most believe that his heart felt words are much more puritanical. 

“Jesus can not return to earth if the gene pool is filled with too many stupid people.  Jesus doesn’t suffer fools well.  He died for our sins not our stupidity,” was the ellaboration offered by Vatican spokesman Cardinal Jose Montegno.

Most people could care less about the religious ramifications, but they are extremely concerned about the dwindling list of Darwin Award nominees to giggle at during coffee breaks at work.  Darwin Award Nominees are supposed to remove themselves from the human gene pool and more and more, these selfish bastards are failing to actually remove themselves.

Will the Honorable Mentions Kill the Darwin Awards?

When people engage in an amazingly stupid and life threatening activity, such as flying with helium balloons over LAX, they receive an honorable mention.  This trend however is starting to displace the actual nominees.  Too many survivors are turning our world into a very dangerous place. 

It is just possible that if the number of Honorable Mentions continue to climb, that the human race could be in peril.  Many a person used to wake up in the morning and look in their bathroom vanities and envision themselves as the person that just might successfully fly an El Camino with an Air Force Jet engine bolted on to the back of their truck bed. 

We might not survive the continued existence of so many fools.  The next Darwin Award might just go to all of us.

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