Hillary Clinton’s has hired 5 former exotic dancers to serve as her Secret Service detail.  Contrary to popular internet rumors all five agents are females.

Patti Doyle confirmed the move at an Iowa event, explaining, “Hillary needs to generate more interest from male voters.  Its proven impossible for physical as well as strategic reasons to make Hillary more sexy.”

Many political pundits have speculated that the move will increase the overall level of sexy around the democratic front runner. Barack Obama experienced a big ‘sexy’ boost in polls after a YouTube video surfaced with a vampy vocalist singing “I got a crush on Obama.”

Hillary needed to take immediate action to respond to that political ploy by the Obama camp.  Patti Doyle had complained last month, “Obama’s got all the good hoes.  Its obvious that we are in a bit of a Ho gap, but you mark my word words, Hillary will close that Ho gap, and she will close it up tight!”

High ranking staffers have indicated that there is a predominant perception in the campaign that sexy secret service agents will give male voters something focus on in the Clinton campaign.  The theory is that sexy women surrounding the Senator will attract more men to the events.  “We’re not looking to create a sausage fest, but a little more beef cake would balance out our events.”

More cynical analysts feel that the move is designed to improve fund raising efforts.  Barack Obama has been winning the internet contribution race.  However, Secret Service agents trained in the collection of cash could increase fund raiser contributions.  Many people will pony up a few hundred dollars per plate for a candidate that they like, but just about any many will part with a hand full of twenties for a lap dance from a gun toting Secret Service Stripper Agent.

These analysts could be correct.  Inside sources indicate that champagne orders from the Clinton camp have increased ten fold and all new events are being required to hold a darkened area off the main speaking and dining room with lots of couches and chairs with over stuffed pillows. 

Secret Service Strippers are apparently playing well in the Edwards camp as well.  John Edwards, who is lagging in the polls despite having a decent sexy rating in the polls, has indicated he would gladly take a Vice Presidential nod from Senator Clinton for a compliment of additional Secret Service Strippers.

The Secret Service would not be the first agency to employ exotic dancers as agents.  The CIA has had a long standing relationship with exotic dancers as agents and the DEA has tested the waters as well.

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