Hillary’s Campaign Leaks Memo on Vice President Choice – It’s Bill!

November 6th, 2007 | Author: brettbum

This morning analysts around the country are trying to figure out whether or not Hillary Clinton’s Campaign purposefully leaked documents that appear to prematurely identify Hillary’s Vice Presidential choice. Everyone was surprised to learn that Hillary intends to choose her husband and former President Bill Clinton as her Vice President.

Constitutional scholar Betty Goibels says it is constitutional. “Hillary can definitely choose Bill as her running mate. It is constitutional. Bill only served 8 years and the Constitution allows a President to serve no more than 10. If Bill were to become President, he could serve for 2 years. He could then step down and hand the Presidency over to his own future VP.”

The Arkansas Duo Strike Again

No one in the Clinton campaign has denied the memo’s authenticity. It appears to be signed by Hillary, cc’d to Bill, who initialed the document.

Finger Printed in their Own Blood?

There are also two red-brown finger prints at the bottom of the document. Initial tests have confirmed that the red-brown color comes from blood, and many people believe that they are the middle finger prints of Hillary and Bill pressed in their own blood. Finger print analysis has yet to confirm the identity of the prints, but many people readily identified what appears to be a scar on one of the prints. Bill Clinton reportedly has a very similar scar on his left middle finger. Its a wound he accidentally inflicted on himself with a cigar cutter while attempting to cut the tip off of a cigar given to him by a former lover.

Bill’s Higher Pitched Voice – Presidential Veto Stamp Gets Snipped?

Others believe that Hillary inflicted the wound on his finger and simultaneously inflicted a much harsher wound on another area of his person with the same cigar cutter. Some convincing voice analysis has even been done that seems to indicate that the Bill today, speaks with a slightly higher pitched voice as a possible result of that second wound performed by a First Lady untrained in the arts of working as a Mohel.

Fun Fact – Complaints were actually filed by the Mohel Association of America against Hillary for operating a Mogen without a license, but were later dropped when it was conclusively determined that it was not a mogen but Bill’s fancy Cuban Cigar cutter.

What if Bill Kills Hillary Clinton?

Despite the political and vote drawing power that Clinton on Clinton would bring to the 2008 election, some more sinister and cynical pundits like Ann Coulter have raised the question, “What if Bill kills Hillary Clinton while in office?”

He would have access to the President
He would have motive (see the note above about his veto stamp getting snipped)
He might even have the power to keep the Secret Service out, and would only need to find a silent way to put Hillary out of her misery. (And everyone knows how much the Clintons have been in to asphyxiation. Tales of belts, and towels and neck ties and the Clintons date back to their time in college.)

More Importantly Bill Could Pardon Himself for Killing Hillary Clinton

As Vice President, if Bill kills Hillary, and if he does it silently, her body could be discovered in the morning. At which time Bill would be sworn in as President. He could then issue himself a pardon while doctors are still trying to determine if Hillary’s death was murder or an accidental kinky death that was likely to happen some day.

Sure Bill might face impeachment for killing Hillary, but the pardon would be complete and he would be off the hook for murder. He’s been through the impeachment process before and that would be no big deal. He would also finally be free of Hillary!

Barack Obama Would be Bill Clinton’s Choice for Vice President

So after Hillary is gone, it would be very likely that Bill Clinton would choose Barack Obama to be his own Vice President. Obama and Clinton are two peas in a pod. Barack like Clinton is a chick magnet and can’t say no to the ladies. Plus, Obama, who has recently begun to turn more negative towards Hillary on the campaign trail after she snubbed his sexual advances during the last debate, is over Hillary now according to sources close to the candidate.

“Loose Lips Sink Shit” a slogan rumored to be printed on one of Bill’s favorite jogging t-shirts.

Clinton would look for a Vice President this time around better suited to screen incoming White House interns for that proper level of curvature. Despite Bills preference for women with a Big Mouth, he has learned his lesson and would probably continue to avoid his favorite fetish, just like he has for the last 7 years. One investigative gonzo reporter that freelances for the Drudge Report part time and lives out of a card board box outside the Billtmore hotel the rest of the time, recently dug up receipts of a purchase made by Bill along with a note detailing the purpose of a pair of Skagen watches on the back of the receipt. A quote of a possible incscription for the watches.

“Barack, in 2011, you will be President. This watch is synchronized to count down until the date when you will be President.”