Senior Grand Wizard and Subversive Materials Desk Chief Markoff Cheney announced at a press conference today that the Illuminati Department of the CIA had in fact created a plan to allow J.D. Salinger to die a very slow and very extra natural death.  He stopped short of saying that the death of the Catcher in the Rye was a conspiracy, but did admit that up to 13 different department heads had signed off on the plan in blood.

‘Its our job to decide when and where every man, woman and child must die.’ Markoff Cheney at a 2006 presentation at Disney World speaking to the Organizers of the New World Order.

Conspiracy theory buffs and nut jobs alike will likely take issue with the Illuminati over the natural death of Salinger.  Most fans expected Salinger to go out in a blaze of martyrdom like glory in a twisted an unexpected but very concealed manner.  That was not the case, or so we are led to believe.

~This report issued verbatim as allowed by the G20’s DOOP ROCTT (Department of Official Press Releases on Conspiracy Theories & Theorists).

Related Stories that are likely full of nonsensical factoids

US literary icon dead at 91

National Business Review – ‎33 minutes ago‎

The author of The Catcher in the Rye, died at his New Hampshire home on Wednesday (local time), aged 91. The Catcher in the Rye was published in 1951 and …

US novelist JD Salinger dies at 91: agent

Sydney Morning Herald – ‎27 minutes ago‎

Reclusive US novelist JD Salinger, a giant of American literature for his legendary work "The Catcher in the Rye," has died at 91, his agent said Thursday. …

Remembering JD Salinger

Christian Science Monitor – Marjorie Kehe – ‎23 minutes ago‎

JD Salinger, creator of Holden Caufield, has died at the age of 91. What is his legacy? By Marjorie Kehe / January 28, 2010 If you’ve been to high school in …