May 20th, 2009 | 
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- In Focus: Gulf Of Mexico Inducted Into OPEC[…]
- American Voices: Menopause Meds May Harm KidsThe Food and Drug Administration has warned that Evamist, a prescription spray used to control hot flashes in menopausal women, may cause premature breast development in children. […]
- Opinion: Sorry, I'm Just Really Bad With Names And Faces Of People Who Are Not Attractive And Can't Help Advance My Career (by Michael Warner)Hi, how do you do? I'm Michael. Pleased to meet you. What? We've met three times before? Really! Well, how embarrassing. […]
- Pentagon Ripped Off By Shady Weapons DealerARLINGTON, VA—Defense Secretary Robert Gates admitted losing $192 million in defense funds Tuesday when he unwittingly purchased a large number of bogus BGM-109 Tomahawk missiles from a disreputable arms dealer known only as "Steve." ... […]
- 8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To LiveNEW YORK—At 4:32 p.m. Tuesday, every single resident of New York City decided to evacuate the famed metropolis, having simultaneously realized it was nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants. […]
