Michael Vick appears to have unofficially renounced Satanism and Church of Satan elders are not happy.

“Michael Vick was shaping up to be the best poster child of Satanism our Church has seen in decades, possibly since Bishop Charlie Manson himself,” said Elder Malaclypse The Younger(Clinton Portis) during an interview on CNN Sunday.

According to court reports, it is alleged that Michael Vick sacrificed 7-8 dogs with his own hands.  Vick also led several black masses posing under his pseudonym of Ron Mexico.  In one ritual gone wrong, Vick brought up a demon in a female host that he could not put down and contracted Herpes, a historical test of the Devil’s for all his future high level disciples.

But now Michael Vick is turning away from the Church of Satan to save his fortune.  His choice of religion seems tied to his pocket book.  This has rubbed many satanists the wrong way.  Most Americans do not realize that the Bible belt is laced with a Satanic Cult belt that stretches from Salem, MA down to Savannah, Georgia and over to New Orleans.  

In recent years Satanism has experienced a surge in popularity especially with young rich entertainment and sports moguls, but also with politicians such as George Bush that have been trying to capture the Satanic Vote. 

“I’d sell my soul and Laura’s soul to the devil if it would get me re-elected,” George Bush promised during a campaign stop in Macon, Georgia in late 2003.  Macon is the recognized Satanic capital of the new world.  Its name is derived from the word Draconemacon, a term used to describe the incarnation of the dark lord walking on earth.

Many people incorrectly speculate that the Iraq War was inspired by a Christian need for a new crusade.  This is entirely untrue.  In fact, this was the small price George Bush had to pay to win the election in 2004. Despite his quote, George is a little slow even for a Devil worshipper and had forgotten that he had sold his soul to the devil for a few lines of coke in the early seventies when he was AWOL from the Air National Guard.  His speeches that have called out “Evil Doers” is not a condemnation but a challenge to the competitive forces of darkness that George is fighting against as he hopes to bring about the Emancipation of the Eschaton.  In fact no evil doer outside of George Bush has done so much in this regard since Hitler.

Many people expected that Michael Vick would actually enter into politics after his career in the NFL.  Some feel that he will still do so and now that he has publicly turned away from Satanism and accepted Christ into his heart (at least as he has payed lip service to this concept, like an Idaho Senator pays lip service to a boy in the can) some others feel that Vick is positioning himself to enter politics much earlier as a born again reformed sinner, just like Vick’s hero George Bush.

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