South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, whose whereabouts had raised questions earlier this week, admitted Wednesday he had rejected Federal bail out money from the Federal Government because he did not trust himself.

“If I had that much cash under my control, I’d likely blow it on hookers and drugs in South America.” the extra transparent GOP Governor stated during a press conference today.

He recently admitted that he had also flown to Argentina to meet with a woman with whom he’s been having an affair for a year.

“I’ve been unfaithful to my wife,” an emotional Sanford said at a news conference Wednesday. “I developed a relationship with what started as a dear, dear friend from Argentina, but my real affliction is hooker’s and drugs.”

Sanford, 49, said he had spent the last five days “crying in Argentina” but that the affair was now over.

His former girl friend, returned to the states and stated, “I’m looking for a man that is not such a god damned cry baby, someone that loves NASCAR and the Republican Party and doesn’t mind spanking me when I’ve been bad.”

The governor, considered by some to be a rising star in the Republican party and a possible presidential candidate for 2012, apologized to his wife, Jenny, and his four sons.

Sanford said he had revealed the affair to his wife five months ago.

“My wife is almost as understanding as the former first lady of New Jersey.  Unlike the former New Jersey Governor, I was never able to talk my wife into a menage a trois and that ultimately proved to be my emotional undoing.”

He would not say whether he would resign as governor but said he will step down as head of the Republican Governors Association.

He said he had known the woman for about eight years and had been romantically involved with her for about a year, seeing her three times since the affair began.

“What I did was wrong. Period,” he said, “but what I could have done with a few hundred million dollars, some Columbian blow and a line up of naked hookers could have really hurt the South Carolina economy.  The People of South Carolina are a bunch of lucky bastards, lucky that their Governor has so much self control to reject the temptations of the Obama Administration and keep our unemployment rate sky rocketing while our education rates drop into the gutter where I can keep an eye on it.”

The governor had not been seen in public since June 18, and reporters began asking questions about his whereabouts.

His staff had said he had gone hiking on the Appalachian Trail, something people in social media circles have been ridiculing all day.

“RT I said I was going out for some Argentinian Tail, they thought I said Appalachian Trail”

The Governor has never hiked more than 25 feet and that was to get in line for a spanking at Hooter’s on his Birthday.

His family did not attend the news conference, but his wife issued a statement saying she asked the governor to get himself checked by a physician, leave two weeks ago and not contact the family.

The governor said he wants to reconcile with his wife, and Jenny Sanford’s statement said her husband has earned a chance to resurrect their marriage since he didn’t get caught with any pictures on the internet.

“This trial separation was agreed to with the goal of ultimately strengthening our marriage,” she said, “and giving me a chance to find a good lawyer, publicist and ghost writer for my future book”.

Sanford’s announcement came a day after another prominent Republican, Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, apologized to his GOP Senate colleagues after revealing last week that he had an affair with a campaign staffer nick-named “smurfette” due to his penchant for wearing white dresses, and dipping his butt in toilet bowl cleaner. Sen. John Ensign is resigning from the GOP leadership.

The Governor is not expected to resign his office until arrangements have been made to pardon him of the South Carolina crime of Adultery.

Inspiration: Mostly My own but a little bit from cbs