Stephen King, writer of Pet Cemetary and formerly one of the creepiest guys in America, turned down an opportunity to appear on the popular TV show on A&E, Flip This House.

Wilbur Ray Todd Jr., possibly one of the least savvy real estate speculators in history, next to Napoleon’s Russian real estate broker, Victor Goddamniski (Pronounced God Damn it Ski!), had been working behind the scenes to bring together a 2 hour Flip This House special. 

The show would have featured a makeover of Michael Vick’s infamous dog fighting and gambling headquarters in Virginia on Flip This House.  Todd’s people had reached out to horror writer Stephen King in the hopes that the author would turn the horror of the Vick estate into entertainment.

Apparently the deal fell through when King learned that a bulldozer had been leased to bull doze the dog fighting pens.  Apparently, King had had a separate run in with the same bulldozer during the clean up of a bombed out medical supplies factory in Maine, which he later nicknamed Christy.

After the deal fell through last week, the auction to sell the house (again arranged by Todd, one of the least savvy real estate auctioneers in history, next to Saddam Hussein who attempted to auction of his vast real estate holdings to President Bush and Sir Richard Branson in 2003 just before the US invaded and took the property the old fashioned way) officially petered out when Todd failed to raise his goal of almost twice what he paid for the property.

Todd made several comments to a friend that made several comments to a cousin that whispered to a goat that spoke with our reporter in Gaelic, “This property is worth at least a million dollars and maybe more.  I’m not saying that Jimmy Hoffa is buried there, but I’m not saying that he is not either.”

No one really understands what Todd, who some say is the most obscure commenter via the grape vine to goats that ever walked the planet upright, meant by that comment, but leading legal analysts and historians believe that he is either referring to the former Teamster President that disappeared or he is referring to Roger Goodell’s wife’s toy poodle, named Jimmy Hoffa. 

His wife never knew Hoffa in real life, but is reportedly obsessed with both the conspiracy theories surrounding his disappearance as well as the urban legends surrounding the excessive girth of Hoffa’s manhoood.  Her poodle apparently had a girth that was quite impressive as well.