After working for a decade and a half under the Don’t Ask’; Don’t Tell Gays in the military policy established under a compromise of the Clinton Administration, Military Top Brass are trying to swallow President Obama’s transitional policy, "’Don’t Rub; Don’t Repel’ policy.

Under this new gays in the military policy, service members would be prohibited from making rubbing advances on other members of the military without prior approval.  However, if an inadvertent advance or perceived advance results in a brush, pat, or rub against a service member, the receiving service member is prevented from repelling said advance especially in a fox hole environment.

“We’re striving for an integrated culture of sexuality in the military.  Its time for us to evolve past the fear and environment of loathing that has persisted for centuries.  A time of socialization will need to be required and regulated if straight and phobic service members are to ultimately come to truly accept other members of multiple, mixed or alternative sexualities, “ stated Secretary Gates.

He went on to state that the military doesn’t want things to result in advances at every turn in the bend, but if an advance or touch happens, he wants members to accept the circumstances and adapt and later if they are uncomfortable with the resulting encounter they can request an After Action Review with their Commander (provided that their Commander is not the person that made the advance in which case service members could request a review with a chaplain, doctor or higher level Commander).

“The pendulum has been stuck so far to one side for so many years that we need to force things to the other side if we are ever going to achieve balance.  The days of compromise have not made enough progress in this case, just like the days of compromise in regards to slavery did not create an appropriate result,” said President Obama in a Memorial Day Address at Arlington Cemetary on Monday.

Opponents on the right were quick to complain that the ‘chaplain clause’ needed to be amended because Chaplains subjected to too many counseling sessions might themselves be too tempted to engage in homosexual practices (as preachers, reverends, priests etc are prone to do, especially in the military).  They called for a clause that would provide counselors of the opposite sex to be provided in an environment conducive to a proper military setting and provided a long list of such locations surrounding military bases all over the world. 

Critics claim that these establishments are nothing more than strip clubs and brothels, to which opponents on the right replied, “Damned Straight”.

That statement has also been picked up by protestors carrying signs that read, “Damned OR Straight!”